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TLCDaisy 
1:18am
This is the 3rd Sermon in our Series 'Refrigerator Rights Relationships.' This is about our friends and family members that we are so close with that we allow them to go to our Fridge, and grab a pop, a snack, make a sandwich. These are the type of friends/loved ones that we may allow enter into our personal lives.
It's a really great series that has 'Hit Home' for me on each occasion, and that's why I chose to journal about it. Because, whether you are a Christian or not, I think you can gain something from reading this!
Did you happen to miss any of the other Series in the 'Refrigerator Rights Relationships?'
Here's the links, in order:
1. AUTHENTIC SUCCESS - The Spoiler
3. RESENTMENTS - The Freeze-Out
4. WHEN LOVE HAPPENS - The Plug-In
**********************************************************
Resentments - The Freeze Out
Resentment poisons everything in our life. If we don't deal with it, it gets worse over time. We seem to enjoy holding onto resentments...seeking revenge. But, it is a deadly sin.
Resentment affects ALL Relationships, not only the offender...it also affects YOU, and it affects everyone around you. Resentment leeches anger, sarcasm, coldness and bitterness right out of YOU! Not a fun person to be around, eh?
Hebrews 12:15
See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.
Do you see how Resentment can take root in oneself and grow into anger, bitterness, sarcasm and a cold-hearted person? I do.
Resentment is something that I think a lot of people struggle with, me included. And, I must admit, this sermon truly hit home with me, as it relates to my Abuser, and myself. Tears welled up in my eyes today.
I have turned into a sarcastic, bitter, angry person because I am still holding onto resentment. This is NOT the person I want to be, and at the core of me, this is NOT who I am.
But, how do you avoid the Freeze Out of Resentment?
---The De-Icer of Resentment is to Choose the Path of Forgiveness. It's not easy by no means.
Now, I know as a SA Survivor, Forgiveness is a hard choice to make. But, let me explain what forgiveness IS and what it IS NOT.
Matthew 18:21
The Parable of the Unmerciful Servant
Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?"
Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times (77).
"Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt."
"The servant fell on his knees before him. 'Be patient with me,' he begged, 'and I will pay back everything.' The servant's master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.
"But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii. He grabbed him and began to choke him. 'Pay back what you owe me!' he demanded.
"His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, 'Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.'
"But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. When the other servants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed and went and told their master everything that had happened.
"Then the master called the servant in. 'You wicked servant,' he said, 'I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn't you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?' In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.
"This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart."
------------------------------
This parable is a big part of the process of Forgiveness.
FORGIVENESS is NOT excusing, NOT tolerating bad behavior, NOT reconciling and NOT forgetting! Forgiveness is NONE of the above.
Forgiveness IS a repetitive PROCESS with 4 components:
1. Remembering
- Remember God's Amazing Grace for our Life. Our debt is absorbed by Jesus when he was on the Cross. Choose Forgiveness and you will not harbor Resentment.
2. Retreating
- It's time to stop fighting the hurt and accept it! Fully absorb the hurt and experience the pain during Solitude Time. Don't self-medicate with alcohol or drugs or other activities.
2 Corinthians 12:7
To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me.
**Grace then becomes active.
3. Relinquishing
- Give up on getting Revenge. You can't get even. Relinquish the power to retaliate. God will avenge for you.
Romans 12:19
Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord.
4. Release
- This no longer takes up dominance in one's brain. You decide to start wishing that person well. Blessing them. Praying for them.
It's very important to know that this doesn't mean that you are emotionally healed yet.
Going back to the Parable of the Unmerciful Servant, you may have to do this '76' more times; and that's OK.
Matthew 5:43
"You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.'
Romans 12:14
Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.
Romans 12:20
On the contrary:
"If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head."
Forgiveness is a choice YOU make. You are making the choice to forgive for YOURSELF, not the one who offended you. Pass your Resentment onto God...then leave it to Him to Avenge the offender for you.
I must admit myself, this is NOT an easy process, and one that is going to take me some time. But, I can tell you that I harbor resentment in me, and it manifests outward in my actions and behaviors...and that's NOT who I want to be, nor who I really am at my core.
But, I do choose to be FREE! I do choose to HEAL! And, in due time, I hope to choose forgiveness for myself only, to rid me of harboring this icy resentment.
NOW....It's time for Amazing Grace!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y01rx_XzQ34
~ TLCDaisy
August 17, 2008
Personal Copyright
Did you happen to miss any of the other Series in the 'Refrigerator Rights Relationships?' This series really hit home with me, and I am sure will hit home with you too!
Here's the links, in order:
1. AUTHENTIC SUCCESS - The Spoiler
3. RESENTMENTS - The Freeze-Out
4. WHEN LOVE HAPPENS - The Plug-In
---This journal will be open to the public for a short while. Then it will be locked to friends only---
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I like this daisy. I have been reading your series of posts. Resentment is a soul murderer. I struggle so much with letting go and forgiveness. To me, it is an ongoing process because I keep thinking I've reached the plateau of forgiveness, only to find the old resentment and pain creeping into new interactions. I wonder if it will take me a lifetime to actually achieve it? I hope not. I'd like to be able to forgive my mom, for instance, before she dies so that I can interact with her without a heavy heart. It clouds everything in our relationship. It's why the connection feels dead to me.
I still feel totally separated from my higher power, so, I find it hard to consider the idea of relying on him to guide me. You're lucky to have the faith you do.
Thanks for sharing. *hugs*
bato
Thanks.
stayingalive
Thank you for sharing, i cant wait to read the next one you have. Take care
XXOOXXOOXX
blether2
I have forgiven my Dad who sexualy abused me.
I still hold him accountable,but my action of forgiveness freed me.This took a long time to do though.And I agree forgiveness is a choice and not easy to do.I work on freeing myself of resentment and working on forgiveness daily.Thanks for posting this x0
RainyDey
Thank you Daisy.
I've been working on feeling my anger so that I can get past the resentment and work toward forgiveness one day. I'm working on forgiving myself for all of the resentments I harbor, rather than continuing to stuff them away. I'll keep praying to get through all this healing so that one day I can forgive my abusers...but I know it will take a lot of time...its a process that can't be rushed through...this was really helpful and inspiring.
sunshinside
Thank you for sharing these....I am copying and pasting this to my domputer to read later, cause I am so tired right now....but I WILL read them ASAP!! Just glancing at the shame topic while copying it was difficult for me....my mother used that as a primary weapon for control.....and it STILL works very well, even after all these years of therapy, etc. But not as well as it used to!!! The resentment is another biggie for me, too. I know it is not right and it is not healthy, but it is there, nonetheless. And I have no idea how to stop or get rid of it. I HATE IT.
Take care, and GOD BLESS YOU RICHLY for taking the time and effort to do all this.
starfishy. :)
starfish
Thank you soo much for taking the time to post this ~ these have hit home w/ me as well.....you are a true friend, and God Bless You!!!! :o)
brooklynmarie
great topic again... what is the next one?
Mirniy
Hmmm....I just got the email from my Church, let me look...
Do you have people in your life who know you so well you wouldn't think twice if they opened your refrigerator and helped themselves to leftovers?
In this last week of our Refrigerator Rights Relationships series, we're going to look at the power behind all great relationships, and that's God. Join us and bring your friends.
TLCDaisy
What if the anger and resentment is with God?
albi
albi: i use to be angry with god, i walked away from him and blamed him because my life became a living hell. did someone say the wages of sin is death.
electric2
tlcdaisy:i was molested at 3 which i blocked out for years. as soon as i remembered i knew he had to be forgiven because it would destroy me. my sister shared a story today about my 2 cousins meeting on a millitary base in japan during a war thet became friends my molester disclosed he was molested by his dad. this helped finish the healing and i forgive him. god put them together and me to hear the story i hope this helps a little
electric2
I know how you are struggling with anger towards God Albi. I think maybe you need to decide if you want to reconcile with God and regain that relationship??
If not, then try focusing on what you DO believe in or have faith in to help you cope with your healing.
Electric2, that's an interesting story...I'm glad you were able to get to the point of forgiveness!
TLCDaisy