Journal

I'm back at work and am struggling with the driving twice a day. My co-worker was reminding me of the effort it takes to drive. Thank God it's only 3 miles. I have to recover an hour after I get to work and another hour when I get home. My left side where the bad scarring was and most of my stitches were bothers me a lot. The folks at work are being really nice about not giving me too much work. I'm only working half days but by hour 4 I really start to go down hill. I'm having trouble getting my sleep schedule back on track and getting up in the morning is a struggle.

The best news is my dependence on God to get me through my work life has really been a great help. I have started reading 31 days of intercession devotionals each night which gives me different things to pray for and makes me focus more and more on my spirituality and my relationship with God. This whole hysterectomy experience has made me realize that my health matters more than the stresses at work. I just pray my new attitdue is truly a lifestyle change.

It's 12 days after my hysterectomy and FINALLY I have started feeling better. The initial pain was so bad when I came home, I thought I'd never feel better. Today, I helped my mom put out some Thanksgiving decorations at my apartment, but was careful not to overdo it. I'm more tired and more hungry that I have been, but I guess it's because I'm exerting myself more. I'm so paranoid about gaining weight. I haven't even started the estrogen hormone patch, mostly b/c I wanted to be sure they were the cause of any symptoms rather than the pain meds which made me so nauseous. I am disappointed that I still have so much gas and have to take a stool softener and drink warm prune juice in the morning to have a BM, but I realize that I am still healing. I'm eating a lot more fruit than I used to and hope this becomes part of my lifestyle change.

People told me I'd feel "empty" on the inside as well as emotionally after the hysterectomy, but I don't at all. Will discuss the hormone patch with my doctor. I remember the 12th week of Jolessa on estrogen always gave me headaches and made me crazy, another reason I'm hesitant about the patch.

Here's part of a post from the IBS forum I wrote in response to someone who responded to my IBS or Endo discussion.

Since this post, I have undergone a vaginal UT and a CT which both came back normal. My blood work was fine and since I had a history of endo, my doctor agreed it was back. She also agreed to give me a hysterectomy. During the surgery, lots of scar tissue from previous endo surgery was found, as well as endo and adhesions that had twisted my bladder and uterus together. Can't wait until I'm healed to see if this clears up my constipation problems. My doc said the twisted bladder and uterus on my left side was likely causing a lot of my issues including the constipation. I have my post-op tomorrow and hope to get more clarification.

I am exactly 1 week away from surgery and am completely at peace about it. Many people I know don't understand it, but since the pain started 2 months ago, I thought it might come to this. Do I know the outcome of the surgery? Of course not, but I do know that I am a child of God whose eternal outcome is certain no matter my physical outcome.

Most don't understand why I can have or even want a hysterectomy and don't have any children. I've never wanted children. I don't know why this society tries to dictate happiness. I'm happily single and childless and the fact is, my reproductive system has been a source of great pain and distress for over 15 years. I just pray that I'm not trading one problem for another, but will be relieved that I made a step toward good health. 

My biggest battle is not to stress out my last week at work. I will be out several weeks and am trying to take care of everything so others will know what to do in my absence. My prayer is that others will see my peace, and when learning what I've been going through, will ask me how I've maintained calm and joyfullness even in the midst of my pain and uncertainty. I would be overjoyed if this experience can somehow lead an unsaved soul to Christ.

Please let me know if I can assist you, especially if you're facing surgery.