confusedandhopeless's Journal

All this has changed me, going through this with her, i am not the same person anymore, ive changed in ways i truly hate and depise, and i am trying to not let those things take hold of me, i dont want to feel this way anymore! I am bitter and angry, hurt, betrayed, used, abused, and feel, not the way i used to be. I am in mourning, i no this, but this is unlike anything i have experienced before, i am in emoitional turmoile, i Pray to God everymoment of every second of everyday, to keep me above water, and not let me drown, in my feelings.  I have lost all faith in people, i have lost my want to ever be with anyone again, 6 times, im through. Whatever my path was to find, ive found it, and now im done with it!

I no i will evenutally come out of this, i always have, a different, had thought smarter, person, boy was i wrong there lol! I am not ok, right now, at all, I beg God to make it quick, for my sake as well as my familys and friends, i cannot stay this way!

Im soon, to leave here, leave all ive nown, all ived loved, and as the time nears, im scared, and lost, in so many things, and how my life is goign to be, and if i can physically get a job and take care of myself. Im so scared, im trying to have faith let God take care of this, i sure hope hes listening cause i NEED Him really really bad.