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OJewel 
7:44am, November 14, 2009
Hele wasn't going to stay tonight but now she is and she is going with me to the pool tomorrow as well so I can do my PT routine. I will be driving there.We went for Pizza tonight and then I got a mint choc. chip icecream milkshake. We sat outside on the benches for a little while while various townspeople walked by that I recognized. I am basically dealing with the permanent absencse of a father that basically was absent while he was alive. He never sent birthday cards, he rarely visited me, he didn't come to my jr. High or high school graduation, absent for my holidays or illness, just not there and when I found out he died. It was such a relief for me. No more lying to myself that he was this great dad or one day he'd makeup with me . Now I knew for certain that he was never coming back and that is something I can live with.However, I always thought of him as strong and handsome and acute leukemia must be one hell of an illness to bring my father not just down to sickness but actually to force him to die. THAT is SHOCKING.
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