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OJewel 
7:44am, November 14, 2009
Debs had spent the night over. I found out on a Fri night, from my uncle that my father,whom I am estranged from, died from Acute Leukemia and that my uncle had tried two stem cell operations bec. he was a perfect match but my father didn't take to it an infection occured and he died. Because his second wife didn't want me at the memorial(bec. she never wanted me around even when he was alive)I found out from my uncle that my father had been sick for four months and during that time he had multiple conversations with my father trying to convince him to tell me which he rejected. Finally, when my dad was sicker he succumbed and told my Uncle that if he is to become "very sick" then my uncle is to tell me.The thing was no one expected to him to become rapidly sick and die in the final week. Dad and I would do anything to keep from being sick so I imagine it was quite awful for him in the final weeks.He decide to become cremated and at the discretion of his second wife they did not invite me to the memorial.When my uncle told me I felt relief for my father. He was young and it wasn't an illness that dragged on for years.I ALSO felt a relief for me. I feel so relieved. sooooo much stress is gone...its as if I can breathe fresh air again. As long as he was alive finger pointing always existed, old feelings, and finger pointing,always held a higher realm than hugs and love. Other than my grams funeral seven years ago I can't remember the last time I saw my father.His wife did her best to exclude me.There were no pictures of me hanging in their house etc.I called my mom and broke down crying and Debs came in and held me a little bit.Mom said to call Jamie and he went and got dinner for us at Wendys.On Sat morn. I felt like someone had socked me in the stomach. I really felt like nervous and sickly but nevertheless went to my art class where we finished making our African Masks. Mine looks more like a muppet.Debs bought me trick or treat candy. I came home and my mom and her husband had driven up to be of support to me so they took me out for a really nice lunch and then we sat in moms car staring at the leaves. I mean I was numb. What can you say?Through therapy I had reached the point of letting him go and so reality popped up to remind me I really had to let him go.Thankyou everyone for the hugs. I wasn't expecting that at all!
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Glad you have Debs, she is great isnt she, such a great journal and im glad to see you on. Its going to hurt because no matter what he was your dad, keep strong, its helped you like you said. BIG HUGS, thinking of you.....
ShazzerInc
Sweetie, I am so sorry about all of this. No matter if you didn't have a relationship with your father, the fact is, he WAS your father. That in itself is disturbing. You need to mourn him and grieve just like anyone else. I wish it would have been different between the 2 of you but now you have to move on. I am so glad that you have people around you right now that can be there for you especially Debs. She sounds like a great friend. Like you said now you can really let him go and get on with your life. I know it must still hurt and be painful. Just know that I care and wish I could be there for you in person. Sending you lots of love and hugs, Stella
belle
Hi hun, so sorry for your loss. It is always too soon to lose a parent! And it does not matte how they wre..they were stillyour parents and are irreplaceable. I lost my dear mom 20 years ago on this Novemebr 2, 2009, and «i still grieve that loss. She was my best friend! See my journal for more.
As you said, the good thing is that he is no longer suffering. He is now free of pain and in «heaven, looking down on you, and not finger pointing anything anymore...I am sure that with tiem, you will feel better, but his wife 2 is a real number, to not have invited you to the funeral services! What a b....! At least you will no longer have to deal with her...
Lots of hugs and prayers for you and your dad..
Franny7