OJewel's Journal

there are two kinds of mental illness it seems, to society. The ones in private and the ones "that are of danger to self or others". My agoraphobia is silent and private and is not effected by the latter but bec. of that I am not covered by any health insurance for the massive programs I am in.So then I have to find myself in one of the four categories. I am letting you in on a little secret...they are Bipolar, Clinical depression, schitzophrenia and Psychosis.If you have one of these babies consider yourself covered. I had to have one of these in order to qualify for a case worker, a day program, a back to work program, free meds,free hospitalization. And thats a shame bec. my real primary diagnosis is agoraphobia and I don't get any help for that unless I pay out of pocket.The mental illnesses of "danger to self or others"can be seen as the ones that have the potential to really effect society and so social control is your medicine like it or not..ie involuntary measures for instance. But, my little baby agoraphobia by way,apparently of the o in ocd, is screwing up my life and I resent the fact that it is not deemed of "danger to self or others" and therefore I suffer in silence,although with me I have started to tell people about it. It is really weird to think thoughts that you would rather not think or to just be minding my own business and then these thoughts come up..fearful thoughts for example. I miss the days of driving in my car no care in the world, just me jammin with the music..its gone..its replaced by thought of a newbie driver "what if I hit the curb" ,"what if my car doesn't stop in time"etc. all irrational thoughts bec. I am an impeccable driver and friends are always saying what a great driver I am. Anyway, its 3:00am so my mind is wandering.Thanks for reading me. I hope to hear from all of you, good night, Jewel