Journal

Thanks to those who responded for your empathy and caring. Life is always challenging. I have put careful thought into my dilemma and have a plan. My husband is taking responsibility for his actions and seeking help. I'm focusing on staying healthy and channeling my energy into my work. A trip to my doctor yesterday provided me reassurance that the baby is healthy. My eyes filled with tears when I saw the heartbeat and found out the baby was okay. It looks so peaceful. I could see the spine and it had a cute little shape. I'm 13 weeks.

I also discussed my decision with loved ones, and a counselor. We are going to live apart while he seeks professional help. Last night I went with him to a Gamblers Anonymous meeting. I was amazed at how many people attended. Our state offers a free 36 day inpatient program for habitual gamblers. I learned it is one of only three places in the world that provides this no charge inpatient service. It is paid for by a federal grant.

My husband spoke to the group at the end of the meeting and admitted his problem, and said he wants to get better for his wife and baby. Today my husband will speak to a counselor one-on-one.

It is extremely difficult to understand an addict's behavior, it seems illogical to me, but I am trying. I can forgive him at this point in time, but cannot forget. I thick forgiveness is an important gift you give someone, but it would be unhealthy to pretend life is back to normal. I do not want to be an enabler. I have decided to live apart while he gets help. It's a difficult decision, since I think it is better for couples to stay together when there are problems versus separating. That's what you marriage vows say, however, the wound is still too fresh. I cannot get the name of the pornography website he viewed out of my mind. Right now I need to create a calm and save environment for my baby.

Please, I need sound advice. I am three months pregnant and my marriage is crumbling. I discovered a couple of days before Christmas that my husband is viewing pornography and gambling. I knew he had a gambling problem before we married, and thought he had stopped. Right before I got pregnant, I learned he was viewing porn by calling a number on his bank statement. It was devastating to learn that your spouse is subscribing to an adult dating website. He claims to be a voyeur and wasn't contacting anyone. our phone and email records seem to confirm this. I also learned he's gambled away about $12k this year. He is a financial mess. We got counseling, but he did not follow through with a support group or individual sessions. Just when I though it couldn't get worse, the porn he was viewing was from a disgusting website called realincest.com. He claims he viewed it just as porn. I have thrown him out of the house, it was right before Christmas. He kept trying to come home, and I listenend to hours of his remorse and how he plans to get help. Today I looked at his bank statement and learned he gambled $400 this weekend. I called a divorce attorney and learned there is no legal separation in my state. This is going to be my first child and I am 41. I have always been very responsible and career driven, now my life feels like a Jerry Springer show. What should I do? I am at a crossroad.