Journal

Forever held within a room with no doors or windows

Void of everything especially light

doesn't matter what is wrong or what is right

my rising then falling anger and rage

now ride a constant level well above any safe limits

my fear of our fathers retribution for my thoughts

thoughts of actions he says he cannot forgive

gone, so too are the small rays of light i thought i saw

a hallucination due to cheap booze or maybe just desire to believe

to believe i am wrong, the darkness now mocks my correctness

always on edge, always as deep as low can get, everything and anything

loosing value, i question was it ever there for real anyway

there are many who say words i no longer understand

just as well i no longer care, words that are easy to say

mean nothing i hold on to each day as long as i can

standing alone, as i have always been,

a few stood close but none ever close enough

now it doesn't matter, i wonder if it ever did

i care less each day whatever might have been left

now gone forever, unable to return

to have a great emptyness, to always feel something is missing

a space that has never been filled, no matter how good or bad

nothing has ever or will ever fill the gap, no matter how many

no matter how few it would never be enough,

to always be so empty, to always be so alone

no matter what it never goes away and it will never stop

to always be so cold, no true understanding of anything

always lost, always wandering, no other foot steps beside

behind or besides your own, to be so starving for something or someone

that you are never able to find, to always know your the one who got left behind

and all you have ever known was the darkness and this is all you ever know

to know these few words written here are but a particle of a second in the start of every day

one one millionth of a second to be more precise, and this is just the start of one single day