Journal Entry for June 7, 2007
June 7, 2007 8:54pm
I must say; I feel much better after spending some time here. I don't feel like I'm crazy. Reading other ppls stories, I see I am …
solace 
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About Me
solace
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About Me
I'm a 36 yr old realtor who just wants to enjoy life and family. Really ENJOY it not just exist. I don't see life as I used to. I don't seem to be able to relate to people on the same level. Being bubbly just seems to be toooo much work. Asking all the right questions when I really don't care and small chat get under my skin.I hate when people talk and talk and talk about nothing, or keep repeating themselves. I do like to meet new people, but I like to have a meaningful conversation. I like to learn about people, what makes them tick, who they really are etc. I am funny, hilariously so. But I don't trust very easily. Child of alcoholics, physically and verbally abused-sometimes knocked around. I fell in love too fast and stupidly with the wrong people. One who when comitting suicide, wanted to take me with him. I eventually married a narcicist, was dumped by him after having his child, got engaged 4 yrs later to a cocaine addict who made me feel stupid and worthless. I have made a good marriage to my current hubby. But as you can see the past have left there scars.
I'm a 36 yr old realtor who just wants to enjoy life and family. Really ENJOY it not just exist. I don't see life as I used to. I don't seem to be able to relate to people on the same level. Being bubbly just seems to be toooo much work. Asking all the right questions when I really don't care and small chat get under my skin.I hate when people talk and talk and talk about nothing, or keep repeating themselves. I do like to meet new people, but I like to have a meaningful conversation. I like to learn
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Interests
I love to read. I love history, and true crime(before CSI was popular)And the classics.I love to laugh with others until we can't breath or almost pee our pants. I love to see the world through my kids eyes. I love to travel(although I am very much afraid to do much anymore) I love to see plays, and try new things. I enjoy being by myself, and other times with family and frinds.
I love to read. I love history, and true crime(before CSI was popular)And the classics.I love to laugh
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Journal
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Journal Entry for June 7, 2007
June 7, 2007 7:47pm
I was ashamed to write yesterday. I ended up having that one glass of wine that lead to about 4. I didn't end up drunk, just mellow, …
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Journal Entry for June 6, 2007
June 6, 2007 2:14pm
I'm feeling ok today. I didn't jog this morning and ate something I shouldn't, but if thats the worst today then I'm ok with …
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Journal Entry for June 5, 2007
June 5, 2007 9:09pm
Hmmm, I was fine all day until I had to show properties in the city. WAY out of my element. We got lost comming home-client not me-so not …
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Journal Entry for June 5, 2007
June 5, 2007 12:42pm
Last night my husband decided that I was drinking too often and we had a big fight. Of course being open minded(yea right) I listened …
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Support Groups
Close Panic Attacks
Before I was diagnosed with panic attacks, I rushed to my doctors office not being able
Treatments
- Paxil Not Working
- hang over not liking it
Close Alcoholism
I have an anxiety disorder and have panic attacks, I am afraid of taking medicine, so I self medicate with wine. Recently I was told from my husband I was drinking too much, I argued didn't have a problem, you don't understand yada yada. Tonight I keep going back to the booze cupbord-its harder not to have that drink than I thought.
Treatments
- Cold Turkey Not Working
- First night not drinking. I have had at least 1/2 to 1 litre of wine a night for about 6 months. to stop suddenly is painful and sending me into an anxiety attack
Open Eating Disorders
My ex hubby always had MORE of everything. We spent money on his needs, he joined the sports, went out with his friends,joined the pool and dart leagues. We watched what he wanted, we moved to better his career. When we ate out he had to have 2 subs..That was the last straw for me. I began to have 2 subs, I began to eat what he ate, I certainly showed him. Food with me has since then been about entitlement. About control, nothing to do about nourishment. Oh yea I won alright...Pfffft Idiot me!
Open Phobia
I don't remember the first anxiety attack, but I remember my first full blown panic attack. I was out on a beach on my bike when a tornado came out of nowhere. I decided to break into a cottage until I realized, duh, no basement-p'ple across the rd were yelling and it was roarin so bad I couldn't hear them. long story shrt clouds began to scare me and I eventually became agoraphobic
Treatments
- Acceptance Working / Worked
- I stopped going outside, had panic attack all day long, a fluffy cloud would send me into a full blown panic attack. I wanted to die. but joined a suprt grp instead.
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