1/9/07, It is 2:23 a.m. meaning …
1/9/07, It is 2:23 a.m. meaning it is another sleepless night. I still have trouble believing that I developed …
Join Now
Ellocin 
I'm not doing well at all. I can feel the depression pushing in on all sides of me trying to drown me and I'm getting too tired to fight it.
Last night I blew up for no reason. I got so angry and in rage that I thought I was going to physically hurt my roommate. I couldn't even talk I just ended up having to get out at like 10pm and going for a walk. Took a couple ativan while I was out but still took a long time to calm down. Eventually went back to the apartment and took a valerian and tried to keep distracted but could so took another valerian and fell asleep on the couch.
Thing is I feel like I could so easily get to that point again and it scares me. I don't know why I'm feeling this way right now but when I feel like this and start worrying that I'm going to hurt others it makes me think I should kill myself so that I can't hurt anyone else. I know it's twisted up thinking but right now I can't seem to convince myself otherwise.
I already tried going for another walk today. My roommate and I made up and she's okay about things. So why do I still feel so horrible.
I thought maybe the flu shot had something to do with it so I called the pharmasist to ask if that can increase psychiatric issues....she doesn't think it's likely from that. I don't know what else it could be.
I don't want to feel like this. I don't want to feel like I'm falling into the depression stuff again. I'm trying to look at positives but I just ache with heaviness and nothing I do lightens it....not even praying has been helping.
UPDATED GOALS
Comments
You might also like ...
I've given up the idea of ever …
I've given up the idea of ever being "pain free" or "feeling normal" it took a few years. And i …
Near the community where I live, …
Near the community where I live, there is a parent support group that meets every month. This was extremely helpful …
Hey Nic!!!
Ya know what? I'm proud of you.
You blew up and got angry. We all do. It's human. But you did the best thing by taking a walk, taking some chill pills and making up with your roomate.
Im scared of the Flu Shot this year so Im not going to take any. I bought some Goldenseal Tea Leaves on line. It's a safe alternative to the flu shot and it helps to boost the Immune System which is really important for us.
How did the Valerian work for you? I tried it years ago and it didn't seem to work too well. I may give it another try.
So hey sweetie don't beat yourself up ok. Depression sux. I go thru it too. But we are strong young women who can fight these trials and tribulations and come out with the Victory.
I pray today was a better day.
Oodles of Hugs and Love for ya,
Niecy
LovelyNiecy
Nicolle... I'm sorry things aren't looking up for you. You did great by taking a walk and calming down. Remember you didn't hurt anyone and you are not hurting yourself. You're dealing with this in an adult way and you're doing a good job at it. Yes it's hard and yes is sucks at times, but it will get easier. Remember this is just a mood and it will pass. Lots of people love and care for you and would hate to see you leave this world too soon, especially me! Please take care of your self. Much love and hugs... I know praying might not help right now, but it will in the long run so don't give up. I'm praying for you too...
CrzyPurpleChic
I was in a rage on Last SUnday and Monday, I was beastly to any one who came near me. Everything seemed wrong and negative. Then I statred working at reading the Love chapter you know 1Cor 13. I decided to try to dwell on each line. At line 5 God stopped me and made me really work at the part about not keeping lists of wrongs. Oh am I a list maker...I love my list of things people have done to hurt me...well I had to give it up, and then I had to forgive people even when they didn't know I was angry with them. It was hard, it was honest, and afterwards, funny thing I wasn't angry and depressed anymore! It might help if you try it, heck it couldn't hurt , right? You are fighting a good fight, keep up the good work for this too shall pass. I promise.
Nan
keepingon