1/9/07, It is 2:23 a.m. meaning …
1/9/07, It is 2:23 a.m. meaning it is another sleepless night. I still have trouble believing that I developed …
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Ellocin 
I'm starting to have a bit of a hard time lately. It started just at night not being able to stop the depressing thoughts when I try to sleep the last few nights. Then last night I was so tired I went to bed way early and dozed in and out of sleep until just before 4am. Before 5am I finally decided enough tossing and turning and got up. Got stuff accomplished that I've been putting off since the beginning of the year....a blood test that has to be done twice in one day...once at 8am and the other at 4pm. It's been really hard for me to get myself up for that first one because it means leaving the house at 7am-ish and my body just doesn't like that idea...lol. Anyway....got it done and came back home and fell asleep. Then went back for 4pm...so at least I finally got it done. Got some other necessary errands done too...like picking up toilet paper....always good to have that on hand. Anyway...I don't know what is with me tonight...I'm anxious about goign to bed...probably because of the thoughts that invade my mind when I'm try to sleep...combined with the fact I'm probably overtired...I'm just getting over a cold...it's time of the month...and I've eaten way too much junk food. Yeah, I'm just a big ol' mess at the moment. Tomorrow is two appointments....will probably get my flu shots tomorrow...figure both the H1N1 and regular seasonal flu. I don't really want to get them...well not the H1N1 but I dunno...seems like I should I guess. Schools around here are getting shut down and people are spreading the germs all over the place around here. Doesn't exactly make you want to go out...but staying in all the time is not the answer either.
Then there's the fact my computer is in for repairs so I'm using my roommates computer. I know it's petty but I like haivng my own computer around. I'm all paranoid that I'm going to open a page by accident that brings a virus onto my roommates computer. I don't want that to happen. It's bad enough when it's your own computer but when it is someone elses it just plain sucks. I'm just getting her antivirus protection updated as I write this. It's almost done. She never had it set up and that made me even more nervous.
I've been reading a lot of books lately. I can't remember if I mentioned I was starting to read through a list of 100 books that have either been banned or challenged in the school system. Well, I read The Great Gatsby and The Catcher in the Rye so far. Taking a break from that list though. I got a second hand book at one of the Christian book stores around here and i'm getting into that one. Figure since my computer is out I should be reading. Need to start working on Christmas presents too. And cleaning. That chore never ends.
I'm suppose to start volunteering but I can't if I'm sick. That's their rule. You have to stay home even if you have a slight sore throat. Since I'm still sniffling, sneezing, having cold symptoms I can't go in. Hoping for Monday.
Bought a Neti pot to try using since I got myself off that nasal spray stuff. I'm just too lazy to boil the water....so I haven't tried it yet. I'm going to buy a bottle of distilled water I think since it's cheap and then it's just the issue with warming up the water a bit. Yeah I'm lazy....yeah I'm pathetic.
I'm afraid I'm going to start going through another depressed phase but I'm trying to convince myself of all the reasons I'm not. God's with me....I know that...but I still feel sad...
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Hey, it's okay to feel sad. U haven't started cutting again which is amazing! You know how you feel and ur willing to identify it. Thats a huge start. You may be extra tired and this may just be caused by that time of the month. You never know with those things. And ur right God is with you. You can get through this. And remember DS is always here for you. Even if this is a depression starting, it's ok, you can get through it. You have to have hope for the future. It's not always going to be like this. Talk to ur dr. tell them how ur feeling. Just trying to be supportive. Much love and hugs!
CrzyPurpleChic
When you are getting over a cold it's normal to feel depressed , heck your body is tired, and still not back to normal. Just rest and don't stress yourself out.
Nan
keepingon
I can relate, there was a time when sleeping was my enemy. I would get stressed at getting in bed and not being able to sleep. Or getting in bed and sleeping for a whole day. I tried all the meds, I only became addicted. With me it's when I am un-busy that I start stressing about bed-time. Or if I am over-busy I get overwhelmed and I mind worry. My doctor told me one day, what if all this is just a game? How would you play it? That really made me think. So I made it ok in my mind to get up and not get in the bed if I wasn't comfy. I also made a pallet in the other room and sometimes i sleep on the couch. Changing sleeping spots sometimes helps. I've been better the last two months. Maybe you can get into your photography and edit during your sleeplessness. Anyway, hope you feel better.
yeouxleigh