havenofear

Open Bereavement
Type: Loss of a Relative

My grandparents are my world because I have always been closer to them than my parents. I lost my grandfather a year ago and just recently lost my grandmother as well, to cancer. I miss them more than anything and my heart hurts every day. I don't know what I will do without them. They have always been the ones to keep me going, so supportive of everything that I do.

Treatments

Crying Somewhat Helpful

I cry all the time and it doesn't really seem to be getting me anywhere.

Music Working / Worked

i have a song dedicated to each of them that i listen to each time i am sad. each song relates in some way to the relationship that we shared.

Reading Working / Worked

i just started reading some books on grieving, but i am always up for suggestions on ways to get me through this.

Remembering Working / Worked

i love looking at pictures the most and remembering the stories behind them.

Talking Working / Worked

i talk to my grandparents all the time. i know they can hear me and if i need their help or advice, then i know they will get it to me somehow.

Grief Counseling Working / Worked

i talk to the same guy i talk to about everything else. he helps me to understand that they are in a better place.

Open Insomnia

My mind is constantly going all the time, no rest for the weary. If I do sleep at night, it is never relaxed. I am usually more exhausted when I have slept. I find it so hard to function at times.

Treatments

Ativan Working / Worked

getting addicted. i am way too dependent on it.

Meditation Not Working

i just can't seem to relax without the help of drugs.

Reading Somewhat Helpful

tires me out sometimes because i have to concentrate so hard.

Open Physical & Emotional Abuse

While I was growing up I battled with my Dad (got smacked around) on a daily basis and was constantly having to break up fights between him and my younger brother. The physical abuse has stopped now but I cannot seem to get away from the verbal/emotional abuse. It has torn me apart.

Treatments

Forgiveness Too Soon to Tell

I'm trying feel sorry for him if anything. I know he has issues that he needs to deal with and is too afraid to ask for help.

Leave Working / Worked

He looks for a reaction from me, so I simply walk away and leave him angry.

Psychotherapy Working / Worked

Constantly talking and working on different methods to deal with my Dad.

Open Anger Management

I grew up dealing with my Dads anger issues and short temper. My worst fear now is that I am becoming like him. The thing that I have problems with is 'misplaced anger.' Most of my anger is because I am mad at myself, but I never get mad at me, I get angry at others and take it all out on them because I don't want to admit to being wrong.

Treatments

Psychotherapy Working / Worked

Only just admitted to it, so haven't seen a change yet.

Open Self-Injury

I only cut myself when I don't have time to beat the shit out of myself. I have broken my own arm twice.

Open Personality Disorders
Type: Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

I was just diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder recently. I don't like being labeled and have a hard time believing or admitting that this is my problem.

Open Anxiety

I've suffered from anxiety as long as I can remember. School was the worst - couldn't prepare for or do a test, started panicking as soon as I found out about it.

Treatments

Ativan Working / Worked

Open Panic Attacks

Didn't start having panic attacks until about 2 years ago. I started getting shaky and can sometimes hyperventilate. Sometimes I don't even notice how bad I am and pass out before I notice there is something wrong. My Mom is really good at noticing, when I get restless and will get me an ativan.

Treatments

Ativan Working / Worked

works well, but always have to have atleast 2 mg.

Meditation Working / Worked

definately helps to slow my breathing and stop the hyperventilation.

Open Sports Injuries
Type: Anterior Cruciate Ligament (ACL)

I played rep fastball through highschool, for school and my community. I played catcher and shortstop positions. In one of my community playoff games, a girl slid into me at home plate and hit my knee, hyperextending it. It tore my ACL and Medial Meniscus. The worst part about it, is that the injury blew a scholarship for me to the USA. I've never forgot it and I hate not being able to play anymore!

Treatments

Acupuncture Working / Worked

Had a lot of fluid retention after surgery - had it drained once and then acupuncture helped after that.

Naproxen Working / Worked

Great for swelling and inflammation.

Physical Therapy Working / Worked

Did intense therapy for 2 years post surgery.

Surgery, Knee Replacement Working / Worked

had my ACL and medial meniscus repaired.

Open Carpal Tunnel Syndrome

Been mucking stalls in horse barns for over 12 years. Eventually couldn't hold onto a pitch fork anymore.

Treatments

Carpal Tunnel Release Surgery Working / Worked

Had surgery on my left - worked wonders. Am waiting to have it on my right now.

Ibuprofen Working / Worked

Take it when there is pain, but not often.

Open MRSA

Got this from a horse while working with mares and foals one year. Wasn't severely affected but had to be quarantined.

Treatments

Bactroban Working / Worked

Washing Working / Worked

Open Rape

I was raped by a resident advisor at the college I was attending.

Treatments

Psychotherapy Too Soon to Tell

It's been 2 years since it happened and only just recently told my psychologist about it. I feel too ashamed to talk about it.

Talking Somewhat Helpful

Sometimes I get angry - scream and cry - helps for a little while.

Open Restless Legs Syndrome

Was diagnosed with it about a year ago. It's painful and irritating.

Treatments

Ativan Somewhat Helpful

Open Tooth Grinding

I grind and clench constantly, mostly in my sleep, but notice it more during the day now due to stress.

Treatments

Mouthguard Working / Worked

Helps elleviate headaches and protects from damage to my teeth.