paprika4u's Journal

 My babies are gone! Im all alone very very depressed! My children are too sick to be home with me they told me that they wont be comming home again for they dont think i can pravide for them for my oldest is still a threat to her self and to others and they are going to place her in a group home till she is 18! My second child has to go under surgery again on her kidneys for the first one didnt take and her problems came back 10 time worse so now she has to have a bigger surgery and will have problems for the rest of her life so they are going to find her and adoptive family that can provide for her. My son, hes very hyper active and now has to go se a specialist for he has problems with his intestines and when they get him set they will be finding an adoptive family for him that caan provide for him. Then my last baby, she is as healthy as a clam nothing wrong with her, they told me that it wouldnt be fair to leave her at home and not the others so they felt they should all stay together ( the three youngest that is). So she to will be going into an adoptive home. I feel like i have done something wrong as of like i was a criminal but im not and they said that it wasnt me for the children are verry needy children and need more then what i can give them! Then they say that they are going to let me ba apart of the adoption peace and i will still have some contact with them if the family allows it. I feel like a failer, i have done so much for my children so they can come home like, i have gone to classes for special needs children, parenting classes, counceling, a DBT group for myself to get better, aa to help me stay clean, ive dealt with sweetser being in my home, kasie family family services and a whole lot more. You name it ive done it. Ive even put my self in the hospital 2 to keep my self from falling off the deep end so that my children can still have me around alive and healthy. Now i just feel like i have died, like my life is no more with out them! I caint eat, caint sleep, im always daydreamming. Just dont feel like myself i feel like im going crazy. My body dont feel right and i been feeling sick. I cant take it anymore. Need alot of support through this for all my support is all gone now!