Sarahsma's Journal

Friday I went to a service from a man I barely knew but I learned in two hours what took a man 68 years to share with so many. I saw all the good in a man but could not neglect to remember his one huge memorable sin, sexual harassment. Like Michael Jackson, and his pedifile charges, how you can live a wonderful successful life in one way and be a complete failure in another, this is true for all of us because we aren't perfect and never will be, but it impressed upon me that mistakes I have made and will continue to make I must right those wrongs if I can because I don't want them to be the defining moment that relationships were irreversibly destroyed. I don't want to make decisions based upon the mistakes one family made one time but moreso on whether or not they continue to make those same mistakes and don't right their wrongs. If i was to die tomorrow would I leave a legacy of love or of unfinished business behind me.

My sister the thief who continues to lie to my face and my brother who is remarkebly intelligent but cannot stop to drink but loves me and looks out for me. The loyal husband who has a hot temper and is picking on my son, the daughter who is sweet, loving, and talented but who continues to be a master manipulator. We are not perfect, and a mother can give unconditional love but can we give it beyond  our family and friends and when is too much to be fogotten or forgiven. Each time we act or react, or open our mouth we can do right or do damage, and we must take responsibility for our own sin and if the sin of others they cannot see and continue to do, that is when we must give great thought to whether or not they are worthy of our time, effort, our love, or friendship. I have wasted years of my life in the past with men who were not good for my spirit, my soul, and I cannot have that time back. I will be remembered as the one who was married 4 times and Im ashamed of that, but moreso Im angry for not taking such an important decision so lightly and meeting the right man one time. I have a moral compass, but not a crystal ball, I want to make the choices for my family that are best for all of us.