NoelA's Journal

My aunt wrote an article for a grief group that she goes to. The article was about my cousin that passed away from CF. Tears and sobs ensued while I was reading the article and also for the rest of my day. I really miss him. He was just an all-around awesome guy that didn't let CF get him down. He was careful about the things that he did,  but still did the things that he wanted. He didn't smoke or drink , he did his treatments liek he should, and he did his best to stay away from colds. He went to college, he married, he became a preacher, and he managed to hold a dysfunctional family together with his neverending cheer and retarded jokes :). He didn't have anything bad to say about anyone. He wasn't a saint, but he was damn near close!! It always hurts to think of him and then look at Lilli playing in the floor or smiling up at me. Will it be the same for her? Am I taking the precautions needed without cutting off her life? Do I cook the right foods, is she on the right med's, is the house clean enough? My friend quit smoking and I'm so proud of her. She told me that it was my turn, now. I have smoked since I was 14 years old. Quit long enough to go through 2 pregnancies, then started again. I smoke 3 or 4 a day, not enough to be a physical addiction, but plenty to be a psycological addiction. Well guess what. I quit drugs, quit drinking, quit bad people and places, and quit allowing myself to be run over (as much) I can quit smoking. And I'm going to. Wait and see.