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NoelA 
Holy CRAP! I haven't smoked for 2 days! It's been too damn cold to go outside and smoke, so I'm smokefree for now. I don't know if it will last or how long, but I'm trying dang it.
~hugsnkisses
UPDATED GOALS
Keep it together
484 days sober
Encouragements: 4
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get rid of the crap!!
0 days smoke free
Encouragements: 4
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Comments
I'm going to see a therapist. I think I may be verbally abusive to my oldest daughter. I flipped out on her badly the other morning over her schoolwork. She has a harder time than I did in school and I can't understand it. She's a beautiful, loving child and I don't know what my problem is. I was verbally abused growing up and I'm cycling it. It really just hit me that I'm ruining her. I don't give her the attention she needs, I don't hug her like I should, I KNOW it, but I can't change it so I'm going to see someone that can help me change it.
We found out that my cousin does have a brain tumor. This is really getting to me. She's 20 years old and has a tumor. My other cousin, Justin, was 22 when he died. I kept thinking that he was going to get better. I'm in the swame thinking pattern with Amy. And then I stopped. Justin didn't get better, but I kept thinkig that he would and I didn't go seee him but once. I keep thinking Amy will get better, but what if she doesn't? I keep thinking I will get better, but what if I don't? And Lilli???? This good health cannot last. Am I doing what I'm supposed to do? Or am I avoiding the truth? By avoiding the truth, am I causing a problem? Am I doing enough?
Comments
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Oh man... I am very sorry about your cousin. Can they remove the tumor? I hope she does get better, but whatever is in God's plan will be...
You cannot play this "what if" game! You'll kill yourself thinking about it! You always think these people will get better, because you are thinking POSITIVE!!! That is so hard for many people to do. Good for you that you can stay positive in a bad situation!! Just becuase you don't dwell on the negatives, doesn't mean you are avoiding it!
When Rich was in the hospital we got into an arguement, and I asked him, "why is everything a joke to you?!" his response, "why do you take everything so seriously?!" some other words were shared and he said to me, "if I took everything as seirously as you do, I would walk around depressed all the time!" So I lightened up a bit...
Do what you can for to help to set Lilli up for a successful life! Be a stickler for the treatments, and give her a routine, teach her how to properly take care of herself (I gather that Rich's parent's didn't really do that for him... but I don't really know) Listen to her when she is sad, and most importantly, ENJOY HER!!!! She is in good health, enjoy this time :)
We can only expect your best! Hind sight is ALWAYS 20/20. Looking back, we could always do better! But sometimes, we forget that these trials and situations have made us stronger, and have made us better. At that time of trials, (hopefully) it was our best.
Good for you to go see a therapist by the way! Sometimes when things get to be too much (and it looks like you have A LOT on your plate) you need some one to talk to. It's always good to have someone on the outside of the situation for an unbiased opinion.
I hope that everything works out for you :) You are an awesome person! And you deserve the best that life can bring :)
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Seeing a therapist sounds like a good idea. If you haven't dealt with and resolved those feelings of abuse you experienced as a child, they're likely going to come out in other ways until you deal with them. Flipping out on a child is, unfortunately, something is easy to do, because they're easy targets and can't fight back.
The good thing is that you caught yourself and acknowledged that your actions may not have been the healthiest. The great thing about you is that you're always trying to better yourself, something I wish others would do also. =)
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UPDATED GOALS
Keep it together
440 days sober
Encouragements: 4
Add your support
get rid of the crap!!
0 days smoke free
Encouragements: 4
Add your supportPast Entries
Goal Updated
Ooooohhhhh! (I'm jumping up and down from excitement) Good for you! Keep it up! If I can do it, I know you can!
csmith13
good luck with it!! Just keep trying :-)x
ScotHun
well done! you know i gave up smoking ages ago and managed 6 weeks nearly 2 month and after the first week you start feeling alot more active and awake and you realise how much smoking makes you feel tierd and out of breathe! keep going thats wicked news!
firespinner