DoosieArlene's Journal

Summertime!  I think my electric bill is always higher in the summer than during the winter.  I don't handle heat well at all.  In the winter, my apartment is always kinda cool, not hot.  I need to feel cool air on me and so I sleep with my window cracked during the winter.  But come 90 degree weather and humidity, those windows get closed and the a/c goes on! 

I've been to a few bbqs at my nephew's home so far this summer.  He and his girlfriend just welcomed a baby boy into their lives.  The first for my nephew!  Very much wanted and loved baby.  My oldest 3 nephews are out of prison now and living in the Twin Cities.  Its been a long 5 years.  They have their restrictions and things they have to do and they are doing them.  I definitely see a change in them and a maturity that comes with surviving being locked up in a prison.  They are all determined to make something of their lives now.  Prior to their incarceration, they were just young men ambling along, no real purpose or direction.  But now they are men who know what they have to do to be responsible and a contributing member of society.  I know their paths are going to be hard but they have family that are willing to help.  I didn't know what they were going to be like when they got out - whether they'd be jaded or what. 

Well, its coming up on two years now for my grandson Mino's passing into the spirit world.  His birthday was last week.  Ironic.  My father died on July 8.  Mino was born on July 8.  My newest grand-nephew was almost born on July 8 (he was born on July 7).  He was breech and he might of been born on July 8 if not for the complications. 

I just returned from Seattle for a training hosted by First Nations Development Institute.  It was an excellent training.  I learned a lot.  The hotel was beautiful.  It was the Mayflower Park Hotel in downtown Seattle.  The only difficulty I had was the stairs.  The meeting room was in the lower level of the hotel.  I didn't see an elevator to that level.  I managed the stairs but it was a struggle at first.  Especially with the restroom being in the middle of the lower level and the first floor.  But I did it! 

When I do these trips, I am always so grateful to have my prosthesis.  I may be a bit slow at getting around but I'm able to get around!!!  It takes a little longer to get through security but I do it.  No problem! 

Now I need to start thinking about my relationship situation.  (The situation is I don't have a relationship!!! LOL).  Its taken me a while to get to this stage of thinking about one.  I was so busy with my recovery from my surgery.  Then the grieving process for my grandson took precedence over developing a relationship.  I think I'm ready to start seeing men in a different light again.  I am wary of doing this because of the type of work I do and how protective I am of my heart.  But I know I can't have love if I'm not willing to open my heart to the possibilities.  I am so set in my ways though.  I like being able to get up and do whatever I want when I want.  I don't know how I'll do with a relationship.  I'm spoiled.  I'm headstrong.  I'm used to doing things my way.  As well as paying my own way.  I supported the men in my life in the past and today I'm just not willing to do that again.  Helping, yeah.  But supporting financially, no, I've been there, done that.  I want a man that is willing to walk with me, not expect me to take care of him.  I know it seems like a lot of requirements but I'll be 47 this year and know what I want.  I know, spoiled, selfish, unrealistic, all that stuff.  Maybe that's why I'll probably continue to be alone.