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ahen3 
Ok, so technically I was suppose to start on the 31st. It's now 1:30 in the morning on the 2nd. So I'm late...but then again, I don't know. I'm not having any symptoms of ANYTHING. I'm not feeling like AF is on her way to visit nor am I having any of the "traditional" pregnancy symptoms. But last week I was talking to my (hopefully) soon to be sister-in-law and she didn't find out she was pregnant until she was like 5 months along with her first. She bled every month just like a normal period. She didn't think anything about it until she felt something strange moving around inside her. She told me that I didn't need to focus so much on the symptoms and signs and just go with my gut. But my emotions keep getting in the way of my gut! I figured if I haven't started by my next off day which is this coming Monday then I'll test. I want to test now, but really and trully I don't want the dissapointment of another BFN. I try not to think about it and I really don't. I don't think about it much until I go pee. I know sounds strange but everytime I hit the bathroom I'm checking for signs that AF is here. October is not going to get here soon enough! I want to go back to my doc and I want to start getting a little more aggressive and proactive in this proccess. If I don't have another period between now and then and I'm not pregnant I'm going to be really upset. This sucks! Why can't I just be normal?!? Never having a period, having to be on medicine just to freaking bleed once a month, ugh! I know this is just a little personal but I can't help it! I can't really say I'm late because it's not like I've been regular...I had one measly period, right after I finished the meds. It happned like it was suppose to. So for all I know, I could see AF in 30 days (tomorrow) or 35. Or I might not see AF again until after I go back to the doctor and she gives me more meds! This whole mess is really getting to me. I've always struggled with the realization that I might need help conceiving, but this time it's especially difficult. I guess because for once, I have that dream right there in my reach. I'm with an amazing man, who is a great father already, we have room for a baby...I mean I'm not saying I'm "ready" because I'm not. I'll never be "ready", but I'm as "ready" as I'm ever gonna be. All I can do is cross my fingers and say a little prayer...
