jkiesau's Journal

I'm 29 and I have a 10 year old daughter who I have  been a huge participater in her life.  Her mother and I broke up when she was two.  For years we have all gotten along wonderfully.  My daughter's mom is married and has three little boys with her husband.

Last month I got married to a great girl who is 28.  I have been very careful with who I dated.  I let them know right away that I have a daughter.  After about a month of dating my daughter and girlfriend met.  Things seemed to go very well.  My girlfriend thought it was neat and felt like she was part of something.  Time went on and everything seemed good.  I asked her to marry me, she said yes.  About a month before the wedding she told me that she was nervous about the whole step mom thing and that she never pictured her life like this.  We talked . . . the seemed to feel better.

So . . . we get married a month ago.  For the most part the experience has been amazing.  This past week has been more challening, than the past 36 hours have been horrible.  We had my daughter Friday night.  My daughter is very bubbly, social, and confident.  One problem she has is that loves to let people know about her little accomplishments.  This is OK sometimes, but even I get annoyed with it.  I talk to her often about what bragging does to people around her.  That it can annoy them or even make them feel bad.  Bottomline she's a great girl, well behaved, and is respectful of people.  When she gets bragging about things it REALLY annoys my wife.  My daughter's a girly-girl princess (i probably helped create that) my wife grew up on a farm and used to run around with mice in her hands when she was five.   As these annoyances build up my wife becomes very frustrated with her and me.  She becomes diconnected and wants to remove her self from the environment. 

This evening after I took my daughter back home my wife and I had a long talk.  She basically said that being married is nothing like she thought it would be.  She thought she would be able to adapt to being a step-mom, but that's not working so well either.  She says she doesn't know what to do.  As she is saying this I am just about in tears because I don't know where she is going with this.  Bottomline is she gets annoyed with some of my daughter's habits.  She wants to be my priority and she feels helpless.   One of my wife's faults is that she doesn't communicate well.  If she is annoyed with a person she can't address it calm and confidently.  She get's very defensive and uncomfortable.  I tell her over and over and my daughter's mother has given my wife full permission to address any situation with my daughter.  I tell her when she is doing these things, not to be afraid to say hey . . . you don't need to do that because . . .   OR  maybe you should try something else.  Just something to address the issue.  I guarentee my daughter woudl stop and try to change the habit.   I told my wife she has more power than I do, because my daughter will listen to her the first time verses battling with me.

I am stuck here . . . I see my wife's point.  What 28 year old woman dreams of marrying a guy with a 10 year old child?  But on the same note, what about me?  I didn't dream of marrying a girl who couldn't stand to be around my daughter.  What do I do?   My fear is this will continue to happen until one of says "ya know what . . . it's not working, this isn't worth it".  

I don't know if anyone else has been in similiar situations, but ANY advice would be helpful.

Thanks,

JK