Sakura's Journal

I've been thinking a lot about a red-haired girl I was in love with. Maybe I'm still in love with her. I went to the pet store and they had  baby sugar gliders. It made me think of her- she has some. I saw a red-head in front of me in line at the grocery store and it took me a minute to be sure it wasn't her. But this last time... she kept pushing me away. Jumping to conclusions, constantly accusing me of lying to her. She would say "be honest with me" and I would say "I am". In the end I was the one who said "it's the end". She told me to stop fucking with her mind. Then she told me that she needed to move on if it was with or with out me and that I had to choose. So I told her to go on with out me. It just felt like she was looking for away to break up with me with out her being the "bad-guy". Now she gets to tell everyone that I broke up with her. For her I was willing to be the bad guy, although I still don't really understand it. Maybe I over analyze it. But I remember my first real boy-friend and jumping on him asking another girl to the dance (I couldn't go) and trying to make it into him cheating on me. I didn't know how to break it to him that I just wasn't that into him. A lot of it having to do with him being male-bodied. Finally I did break up with him, as was straight up about it. So I don't know why she's been on my mind, but she has been. I guess she made me feel loved and protected and wanted as I was. She stuck up for me to my mom. That was huge. She actually yelled at my mom. I tried to keep her away from my mom because my mom was so mean about all of it. She was afraid I would follow through and move in with my red-head. I wonder if she's someone else's red-head  now. I hope she gets the kind of person she deserves. Someone who will treasure her and accept her and encourage her to do whatever she wants. Someone who can see how far she's come.