Sakura's Journal

I am so fucking depressed it's rediculous. break is almost over and I am so not ready for school. I have 8 essays that i still have to write that i haven't done this past week.two of which are over due. maybe i should just drop out now and save everyone the hassle of flunking me out. i've been cutting. a lot. I just want to go away somewhere and leave all this bad stuff behind. i want to be where my parents can't reach me. i want to be safe and loved. one of the baby mice died today. can' i just be the crazy cat lady already? i give up.i keep thinking of ways to kill myself. i don't know why. the other day i was walking back from getting bandages for my arm and started drafting a suicide note in my head. I have never done that before. I don't know what's wrong with me. i've been spending so much time sleeping. when i'm asleep is the only time things are ok. except not, because I've been having bad dreams. I just don't know what to do. I hurt so much. I'm scared. I've tried cutting with every sharp thing I have: razor, knife, scissors, thumbtack, can-opener. But still it's not enough. Still I don't bleed enough. God I'm such a failure. My parents were right, I'm a fat, stupid, worthless slut.