Journal

To me there is no higher calling then helping others. And the best kind of helping others is helping those who cannot seek help themselves. For me that is the cats at 13th Street Cats. I have always given what I can- when I was about 4 or 5, I got $3 a week as allowance. One dollar had to go in to long term savings, one dollar had to go into short term savings (saving for a toy I wanted or whatever- this usually ended up going in long term savings in the end) and I had one precious dollar that I could do what I wanted with. So I sent it to the Humane Society. Week after week, I would secretly mail single dollar bills. I knew that these animals were like me- people had hurt them and they couldn't ask for help, couldn't get away from the pain with out help. I didn't know there were other people like me, but the animals- I was just like them. People have  commented on how I give even though I have my own pain. To me, my own pain is nothing compared to the pain of these animals. I don't have much money, but I can make a difference by giving what I do have- time. This year for the holidays I asked that my family not get me any material things- I don't need more stuff. I asked that they donate to 13th Street Cats, the shelter I work at. To me, giving to others is the least I can do- and I admit part of it is because as a child growing up in a household where I was abused and my brother wasn't, I always felt I wasn't "good enough". I will be forever doing good deeds to try and make up for not feeling like a good person. I will also be forever doing what I can to show people love and compassion to because I feel that somehow, if I put enough good into the world it will make up for what I never got. So, today is a "not getting out of bed" day. I'm depressed, I feel abandoned by a friend, I've been feeling sick, my body has been hurting, I have been so tired. But tomorrow is a new day and I will get up and go see the domesticated feral cats- I can't let them down.

I am home sick today. I didn't do the receptionist work and I cancelled my kitties. Hopefully this passes and I feel much better tomorrow cause I have more kitties and my first meeting with a personal trainer (which I already had to reschedual once) tomorrow. I've been feeling kind of crappy and run down the past few days. Today I couldn't manage to get up to go volunteer. I wanted to take a nice soak in the huge tub in my parents' room but the stopper is broken so I took a bath in one of the other tubs and didn't fit very well. It actually made me start crying. Oh and did I mention it's "that time of the month" as well? I hate this. II want to be done being sick. I can't concentrate on anything for more then about 10 minutes- I couldn't even watch my movie. I have a mild fever, I hope it doesn't get worse. Love to all and take care of yourselves.