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dm9265 
It's been 10 days since my first dose of doxil. I have had stomach pain, constipation, abdominal pain. I'm not sure if it is from the doxil or the cancer. I am so scared. I hate feeling this way. I have had fits of crying for two weeks. I know I should be thinking positive but I cannot get this feeling of dread, fear, pain out of my head. I feel like I'm nearing the end even though drs say I'm not dying yet. I can't help but think of my last cat scan which showed disease progression in liver, colon, lung. My husband has been incredable. He is always there for me trying so hard to make me think positive and be strong. I have been going through this for almost 4 years. I have dr. appt Tuesday and next doxil treatment Thursday. I just have a feeling that they are not going to go ahead with the treatment. I just don't know what to do with myself. I just feel gloom and doom. I'm sorry for this depressing journal but this is how I feel. Any suggestions? 
Comments
I am at a loss as what to say to you except to say where there is life there is hope. I doubt very much they will discontinue treatment. A good cry is good for you. So go ahead whenever you feel the need. Just remember we are all here for you. Hoping and praying. Much love to you.
anitaama
I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better, except that you're not alone. We are all here for you! I'll keep you in my prayers, sending you a big hug for a better day tomorrow. xxxxx LuEllen
milehighgirl
Sending you hope and strength to help get you through all this. Prayers and love to you...Beth
buttany1
This has been so tough on you and I am so sorry for that.. I know it's hard to pull yourself up when this has been going on for so long with so many disappointments.. and it's hard to know how to advise you as I think we have to find what works for us.. but I will have a go.. the disease progression isn't that bad, a few spots here and there and the doctors have said that you are not going to leave us yet.. The CA125 is still low.. many people do well even when their CA125 is in the 1000's..they wouldn't give you false hopes.. seems to be a question of finding the right drugs to do it for you and that's what they are doing.. Honestly they would not put you through this if they thought you were a hopeless case.. they would leave you in peace..
I think the worst of it for me was when I felt like a victim.. hopeless, helpless and unable to do anything to help my self.. dependent on others.. who's work I couldn't understand.. Very simple actions can help to move you away from feeling like a victim.. and they involve doing things to fight this off your own back... i.e taking some control..
I accessed some counselling for myself and went for a year.. It was free to cancer victims and/or their families and it helped me tremendously.. Helped me to sort out my feeling and why I felt the way I did.. it wasn't all about the cancer either.. I realized all sorts of unhelpful patterns of behaviour and responses to stress that I had learned throughout my life.. and was able to adjust these emotions to the reality of what was actually happening.. I cried lots at the time and got through it with someone who was able to be there whilst I worked these things through..
I accessed some healing from the British Institute of Spiritual Healers.. I expect there is something like that in America.. a very established and respected group.. I always felt empowered by this and in a place of relative calm.. I think that apart from the healing and support this gave me.. what made the biggest change was that I was accessing these things for myself.. I was no longer a victim at the mercy of everyone and everything else.. I was taking control.. and that's what made the difference.
Also.. my own anti gloom treatment.. was to find something to make me laugh every day.. It took some effort but worked wonders for me.. sounds daft.. but often it's the simple things that can make the biggest difference.. Laughter is something we can easily forget about when going through such stuff and it is a very powerful and natural 'lifter of the spirit'... I would sometimes trawl through t.v stations, quite pathetically, until something tickled me and would feel lasting effects from this that I built on.. until laughter became a normal part of my life again...
Maybe you have tried something like this.. if not I hope you give it a go.. and keep trying things until you find what works.. It gets easier to do.. the first steps are easier than they seem.. for me it was a case of, nothing left to lose and taking simple actions for myself, building on these at my own pace and moving away from feeling like a victim.. towards feeling like I have power and control to change things for myself.. the things that doctors and chemo couldn't do for me.. We just have to trust them to do their bet and get on with ours..
Loads and loads of love, hugs and all the best things to you from all of us here.. So hoping you can turn this around.. anything I can do to help.. please let me... Inka xxxxxx
Halli