Journal

I wish there was something I could do to make you feel better and take your mind off all that you are going through right now but know this........WE ARE ALL HERE FOR YOU! Please know that anytime you want to talk please let us know. Even if it's just to vent about the pain. Just know that we are here for you. I know it's easier for me to say but try to keep a positive attitude. You are getting treatment so there is always hope that you will be OK. It's just taking longer then you thought. I wish I was there to give you a big hug.........So just close your eyes and feel that I am giving one to you right now.
Write again soon my friend and let us know how you are doing.
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
Michelle

I don't know what to say to you except don't give up the fight. It is not fair what is happening to you. As Michelle said we are all here for you. Lots of love and healing hugs to you.

I've just come out of my last chemo fog which I had on 9th.. sorry I didn't read this sooner.. My CA125 isn't coming down as quickly as I would like it to and I have accessed some spiritual healing again.. It really does help.. if not to bring down the CA125.. then it steadies my nerves and gives me some extra energy to cope. It's an extra support and something that I have accessed for myself.. so that I don't feel so much like a victim.. I would recommend it to anyone who is overwhelmed and feels they aren't coping well.. the better we feel the better we are.. Get all the support you can find.. Thanks for letting us know how things are so we can be here for you... Are you gong to have any surgery.. because that can be the most effective course?

I will be wishing for the best for you as always.... and will be here now till Tuesday after next... Loving hugs toyou and your family xxxxxx

Looks like things are looking up. The iritation thing makes sense. I would trust her. I am so glad you are feeling better. It is warm here in Houston also but rainy.

So good to hear that things are looking up for you today.. I think what the doctor says makes sense and the prednisone is worth a try.. if it doesn't help then you have to try something else and that is how it seems to go with this.. Took me two courses this time to sort out the anti-sickness and pain killers, which have now worked well enough.. except I have a very sore mouth and no taste buds... always something new.. I can comfort myself by knowing it isn't the cancer only the chemo that is causing these things..

Shame about the sun, but you would burn easily with chemo so have to be careful.. Must help though to be in a warm climate.. I'm climbing the walls a bit, banged up at home with nothing but rain outside and will have to plan a trip somewhere nice before the next dose.. I went to London last time and it really picked me up..

Hope this burgeoning good feeling stays with you and that you can build on it.. Thanks for letting us know how you are getting on.. All the best to you.. xxx

I am so glad you are feeling better. What a blessing that is. You have been through so much I'm so relieved that this treatment is being good to you. Sunshine....What is that? We got 11 inches of snow yesterday. It is the most snow I have seen in one fall since my childhood. It is beautiful but warm sunshine sounds great too. hugs to you....Beth

I had the same sort of pain under my diaphragm in the liver area and the onco specialist felt it is coming from cancer cells being disturbed by chemo and reacting with local inflamation so that every time you take a deep breath you feel pain .

As the chemo got progressively effective pain became less in my case . So do not lose hope !
take care

I am at a loss as what to say to you except to say where there is life there is hope. I doubt very much they will discontinue treatment. A good cry is good for you. So go ahead whenever you feel the need. Just remember we are all here for you. Hoping and praying. Much love to you.

I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better, except that you're not alone. We are all here for you! I'll keep you in my prayers, sending you a big hug for a better day tomorrow. xxxxx LuEllen

Sending you hope and strength to help get you through all this. Prayers and love to you...Beth

This has been so tough on you and I am so sorry for that.. I know it's hard to pull yourself up when this has been going on for so long with so many disappointments.. and it's hard to know how to advise you as I think we have to find what works for us.. but I will have a go.. the disease progression isn't that bad, a few spots here and there and the doctors have said that you are not going to leave us yet.. The CA125 is still low.. many people do well even when their CA125 is in the 1000's..they wouldn't give you false hopes.. seems to be a question of finding the right drugs to do it for you and that's what they are doing.. Honestly they would not put you through this if they thought you were a hopeless case.. they would leave you in peace..

I think the worst of it for me was when I felt like a victim.. hopeless, helpless and unable to do anything to help my self.. dependent on others.. who's work I couldn't understand.. Very simple actions can help to move you away from feeling like a victim.. and they involve doing things to fight this off your own back... i.e taking some control..

I accessed some counselling for myself and went for a year.. It was free to cancer victims and/or their families and it helped me tremendously.. Helped me to sort out my feeling and why I felt the way I did.. it wasn't all about the cancer either.. I realized all sorts of unhelpful patterns of behaviour and responses to stress that I had learned throughout my life.. and was able to adjust these emotions to the reality of what was actually happening.. I cried lots at the time and got through it with someone who was able to be there whilst I worked these things through..

I accessed some healing from the British Institute of Spiritual Healers.. I expect there is something like that in America.. a very established and respected group.. I always felt empowered by this and in a place of relative calm.. I think that apart from the healing and support this gave me.. what made the biggest change was that I was accessing these things for myself.. I was no longer a victim at the mercy of everyone and everything else.. I was taking control.. and that's what made the difference.

Also.. my own anti gloom treatment.. was to find something to make me laugh every day.. It took some effort but worked wonders for me.. sounds daft.. but often it's the simple things that can make the biggest difference.. Laughter is something we can easily forget about when going through such stuff and it is a very powerful and natural 'lifter of the spirit'... I would sometimes trawl through t.v stations, quite pathetically, until something tickled me and would feel lasting effects from this that I built on.. until laughter became a normal part of my life again...

Maybe you have tried something like this.. if not I hope you give it a go.. and keep trying things until you find what works.. It gets easier to do.. the first steps are easier than they seem.. for me it was a case of, nothing left to lose and taking simple actions for myself, building on these at my own pace and moving away from feeling like a victim.. towards feeling like I have power and control to change things for myself.. the things that doctors and chemo couldn't do for me.. We just have to trust them to do their bet and get on with ours..

Loads and loads of love, hugs and all the best things to you from all of us here.. So hoping you can turn this around.. anything I can do to help.. please let me... Inka xxxxxx