LeggoMan's Journal

When is it okay to let go? You know start being and stop pretending? The past month or so has been a little ruff. My grandmother was paralyzed all but an arm and the neck up. Now as of tonight she is in the hospital with a "mystery" fever. The docs are having roblems diagnosing since she has no feeling in alot of possibly affected places. Also within the last two weeks my wife's doc found a spot on her lung in an x-ray, at first it looked vascular but after a second x-ray and a cat scan they found that it is inflamed lymph nodes. Either some disease I can hardly pronounce let alone try to spell that is easily treated with steroids or lymphoma. Here's my problem. I am the calm one as both her mother and my wife like to say. I always try to have an optimistic front. Those two are extreme worriers, so in order to not freak anyone out I simply try to pretend that I'm not secretly worried. When and how is it okay for me to vent. I know if I don't then it's only a matter of time before I.... I what? Who knows. All I know is that I NEED to find a healthy release. But until then just trudge along as best I can and worry about damage control later. If I can. Well I guess I've written all I can and it's time to try to sleep. At least when I close my eyes some problems go away, and the old familiar ones come back. One day the night won't be sleepless. But until then in stead of goodnight it's just goodbye for now.