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lowilker 
I am struggling a lot right now. I think i am coming out of the porn stuff. It's not happening on a regular basis and I am quick to ask the Lord to forgive and help me to overcome this thing. On the other hand, my abuse issues are stirring up big time. This last week I have really grieved because I can't remember a time where sex wasn't in the picture. My father raped me early on. So, i have had sexual stimulation since i was a baby, so i don't know really how to live without it. It's a sad reality and it hurts so bad. So, I think, in ways because this happened to me it has become a need and I need it not to be a need. This was something my father wasn't supossed to awaken in me, but my husband. I am ruined. What do I have to offer to the guy God intended for me to marry? I'm hurting pretty bad. BUT, a good thing is, is that I am beginning to cry. I've never been able to do that. But, I get super bad headaches when i cry. I know it's good for me and it gets al of the bad stuff out. I have years and years of things/emotions tucked away inside and it's time for it to come out. Anyway...That's my jornal for today.
Comments
Dear lowilker, You use the webcam to express yourself sexually and too feel sexual and alluring. Its probably not safe for you mentally to be involved in a real relationship because of the hurt , pain and abuse you have suffered from those relationships. The porn gives you a sexual release with no strings attached....... UNLESS you count the feelings of humiliation and shame you feel afterwards. If the webcam causes you problems. Get rid of it !!!! If its a sperate unit through it away. If its part of your computer cover it and disable it. You can work through the porn addiction at a later time but the webcam can be a more serious matter for you. Good luck
Joline