Journal Entry for April 2, 2008
April 2, 2008 5:30pm
My little brother died yesterday, committed suicide. He was 25. He went through the same abuse I did and couldn't take it anymore I guess. I wish …
Jeanna
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About Me
Jeanna
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About Me
Recent divorce, sux hardcore. Love Stephen R Donaldsen ---- "to say farewell" my heart has rooms that sigh with dust and ashes in the hearth, they must be cleaned and blown away by daylight's breath, but i cannot essay the task, for even dust to me is dear, for dust and ashes still recall my love was here, i know not how to say farewell, when farewell is the word that stays alone for me to say, or will be heard but i cannot speak out that word or ever let my loved one go, how can i bear it that these rooms are empty so, i sit among the dust and hope that dust will cover me, i stir the ashes in the hearth though cold they be, i cannot bear to close the door to seal my lonliness away, while dust and ashes yet remain of my love's day -- stephen r donaldsen
Recent divorce, sux hardcore. Love Stephen R Donaldsen ---- "to say farewell" my heart has rooms that sigh with dust and ashes in the hearth, they must be cleaned and blown away by daylight's breath, but i cannot essay the task, for even dust to me is dear, for dust and ashes still recall my love was here, i know not how to say farewell, when farewell is the word that stays alone for me to say, or will be heard but i cannot speak out that word or ever let my loved one go, how can i bear it that these
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Interests
www.jeannasmith.com Art has kept me from doing myself and anyone else any real damage. I am also a huge sci-fi geek, cat lover, animal lover really, music calms the savage beast, love to read humor, love to read almost anything. ---- I love to chat online, you can find me for MSN under jeannabaleena@hotmail.com.
www.jeannasmith.com Art has kept me from doing myself and anyone else any real damage. I am also a huge
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Recent Activity
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Journal
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Journal Entry for March 27, 2008
March 27, 2008 4:05pm
I went to the disability dr, I think it went well. But we will see.
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Journal Entry for March 12, 2008
March 12, 2008 7:02pm
Oy. I got a letter today from disability, I have to go see their doctor in a couple of weeks. Fun times....
This entry is private
This entry is private
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Hugbook
Prayer
Just want you to know I'm still here and thinking of you. I'm here whenever you come back. Love, Sandi
Present
Giving you a BIG HUG today, and always...you are a GREAT friend and I am blessed to have you in my life....lots of luv!!! xoxoo
Hug
Flower
Hey, J, Just thinking of you again. I hope that you return to DS someday. When you do, please drop me a line. OK? Best, Val
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Hug
I hope all is well with you. Thinking of you. Hugs, Sandi
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Photos
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Support Groups
Close Sexual Abuse
My stepfather raped me for 4 years, I was 2 when it started.
Close Fibromyalgia
Diagnosed in December 2004. Classic case, all of the periferal symptoms. Lost my father because he thought I was making all of my symptoms up for attention before I was diagnosed. I have lost alot.
Treatments
- Adderall Not Working
- Tried it once and didn't get a job because they found it in my system and told me I was on illegal drugs!
- Aqua Therapy Too Soon to Tell
- I am starting physical therapy in a therapeutic pool (92 degrees) next week.
- Cymbalta Working / Worked
- Started a month ago, has helped mildly.
- Effexor Working / Worked
- Has helped for over a year.
- Elavil Working / Worked
- But I won't take it because it makes me fat!
- Skelaxin Working / Worked
- Helps very much.
- Gabapentin Working / Worked
- Most effective treatment of all. I was unable to work before I started this med, now I am working 30 hours a week and am involved in an art group selling my art.
- Herbalife Working / Worked
- Helps my fatigue and energy level alot.
- Effexor Not Working
Open Obesity
Fought my weight my whole life, but now that I look back I was never as fat as I felt. I weigh 250 lbs, but am doing my best to lose weight. I am 5'11'' and have an hourglass figure, and I look good, I am attractive, but am pre-diabetic and have arthritis in my knees. I need to lose weight!
Treatments
- Avoid Certain Foods / Chemicals Not Working
- Tried every diet in the book, tried changing lifestyle. I believe I am a food addict.
- Physical Exercise Not Working
- One of the symptoms of fibromyalgia is an inability to exercise, I am trying to change that.
Open Physical & Emotional Abuse
After being sexually abused for four years by my stepfather, I thought going to live with my father was going to be my saving grace. Until it turned out he was very emotionally abusive to me into my twenties. I hated myself for so long because of his hateful words, and I will not give him that power anymore. I have a loving husband that my father has never met, he is not allowed to be a part of my life right now.
Open Interstitial Cystitis (IC)
I was just diagnosed with IC today after a fun test involving a catheter and some mean solutions. But, I'm told this is cure-able with meds, so maybe my frequency and pelvic pain will get better!
Treatments
- Elmiron Too Soon to Tell
- Just starting this week June 8th.
Open Rape
Jeanna hasn’t entered any details for this support group.Open Bipolar Disorder
The psychiatrist I saw today is pretty sure I have bipolar, says it is really common for children of bipolar parents especially with my early sexual abuse. I don't care what they call it, I just want help.
Treatments
Open Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
Flashbacks to childhood incest that I had buried for 20 years are kicking my butt!
Treatments
- Art Working / Worked
- Been an artist since the beginning of time, helps sooooo much!
- Rape Counseling Working / Worked
Open Depression
Type: Clinical (Major) DepressionDiagnosed Major depression, don't really feel like writing more
Treatments
Open Pulmonary Embolism
2004 has a large embolus in my left lung and multiple embolii in my lower left lung. Docs missed it on my first visit to ER, most painful 3 days EVER.
Treatments
- Lovenox Working / Worked
- My stomach was so bruised that I had to wear pants one size too big so that I wouldn't get to many knots from the bruising, I still got quite a few.
- Coumadin Working / Worked
- I am exhausted all the time and bruised everywhere. But I have fibromyalgia, so I am not sure if that is what the problem is.
- Lovenox Working / Worked
- Bruised stomach!
- Coumadin Working / Worked
- Might be able to stop soon!
Open Antiphospholipid Syndrome
Had a PE in June 04, was 24 years, diagnosed in July.
Treatments
- Coumadin Working / Worked
- Hating it, warfarin/coumadin interacts with everything, I swear it even interact with air!
Open Healthy Sex
Survivor of incest so healthy sex is ALWAYS an issue. Plus being bi I tend to be judged in how my marriage is structured.
Open Family Issues
I disown them all! Sept maybe my grama! Poop on them all, I am DONE.
Treatments
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
Open Self-Injury
Just first cut a little over a week ago. Went to the fun ward for a week, back home and on outpatient treatment.
Treatments
- Group Therapy Working / Worked
- Outpatient Treatment Program Working / Worked
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
- Talking Working / Worked
- Hospitalization Working / Worked
Open Breakups & Divorce
Just wasn't happy anymore and left my husband, we are still separated, but getting the paperwork done. This is positive, but wierd.
Treatments
- Couples Counseling Not Working
- Pets Working / Worked
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
Open Anxiety
Climbing out of my skin daily....what the hell!
