Fall is coming
Well we closed up camp for the year. Another season down and that just means winter is coming. Really hate …
Join Now
lolly 
8:21pm, September 23, 2009
Yesterday i woke up with a headache nothing unusual there but today i woke up with a headache and nausea which is scary because in the back of my mind im thinking * Oh no here we go again with my shunt*. i have been so happy recently and now i'm descending back into Depression and it involves struggling to keep going and i dont have the strengh or energy to struggle with this anymore.
I really thought Hydro was gonna kill me while i was in the hospital i kept saying "why can't i just GIVE UP" my mum was like NO said that i had far to many people wishing me to get better and who loved me at that point i didnt care i just wanted a release from the constant agony.
I know my shunts working at the moment but im constantly thinking of the next time it could give up on me.I had a panic attack on my way back to the job where i fell ill and that hasnt helped matters.
one GREAT thing to come out of this sorry mess that is currently my life is that a few weeks ago my boyfriend of nearly 5 years asked me to marry him OMG that was such a surprise i said YES but afterwards i couldnt stop crying tears of happiness for a change.
Goes to show at least SOMEBODY loves me despite all the crap i give them.
Comments
You might also like ...
Pajama Model
July 3, 2008 Today I'm healing, healing, healing and I'm still in Pj's. ....and that is …
Pajama Model 1
July 4, 2008, My achievements today have been meeting my basic needs. Yah! I showered …
I love you too we're just committed spiritually. But, I do sort of understand the fear. It is rational because of everything you've gone through. I did say is was stupid because it rarly happens and medical technology is always advancing, although not fast enough of us but, it is happening. Just relax, you know what signs and symptoms to look for. Everything is going to be just fine. You have the hot sexy man and your future as MRS________ to forward to. Just stay positive and really try not to think about it. I know it's easier said than done because I do the same thing. Just give yourself time to fully recover from these surgeries and rest will fall into place slowly. You'll get another a job and you Euan will walk off into the sunset together. Oh and speaking of which, that image of walking off into the sunset made me think of Mcleod's Castle, it's somewhere in Scotland, my therapist was telling me about it. We all know you're going to be a princess on that day so why not get married in a real castle if it's possible. Just a suggestion! Lots of love you and Euan and just focus and relax everything will work out.
feesh19872005
hope you feel better soon, Lolly.
jamminjamie79
Yeah, having hydro sucks and the unpredictability of it sucks probably worse sometimes than the condition itself. Just know that you've been through this before so honestly what's one or two or ten more reisions? I'm just kidding hon. At least you know what to expect if you ever have to have a shunt revision again. Shunts aren't totally perfected medical devices. They're bound to fail and we (as shunt dependant patients) reap the consequences. You're on the long, slow, sometimes agonizingly painful road to recovery, but the good thing is you're moving forward and not back. Just keep your head up and know that everyone who loves and cares for you has your back. Love, Hugs, and Smooches
Darla aka lil sissy
xXforeverOaOchildXx