lolly's Journal

As some people know i was released from hospital june 5th after spending 9 days undergoing tests for headache/nausea because my neurosurgeon wanted to check my shunt.Turned out it was nothing to worry about so 3 wks after getting home i returned to "normal" and went back to volunteering.I left home feeling not great but as well as i was going to and travelled to work.

Arriving half an hour early i helped with various things before heading upstairs to the wards i was there 10 mins when a extremely bad headache started but not wanting to complain or worry anybody i carried on for 20 mins then i had to leave because a wave of nausea hit me and i didnt wanna stay incase it was a bug or something so i went downstairs and was sick three times and my headache became a lot more severe so i knew then it was time to go home.

when i got home i was sick twice more and felt extreamely tired but decided to wait and see how i felt turned out i could only manage to wait 20 mins before deciding i needed to go to A&E luckily my aunt was in and drove me my mum and step dad.

We didnt have to wait that long before i was seen by a nurse who took down my details and took a blood sample then we went through to wait and see a doctor by that time i couldnt stay awake and was sick 3 more times unfortuantely we waited 5 hours to see somebody with me getting worse but once i saw somebody things moved pretty quick.I vaguely remember being given Morphine injections that only made me fall asleep for a while then awake to the same headache.

 when I was eventually admitted to the ward i was given yet more Morphine and an anti sickness injection i waited a further hour to see the on call Neuro who decided to page somebody to do a CAT scan to check shunt again.

i waited an hour on the results only for them to come back clear AGAIN by this time we KNEW it WAS my shunt because i couldnt stay awake and was sick a further twice.once i was settled for the night and could sleep without bursts of pain waking me up my parents left.

when my NS came to see me that morning she said there didnt appear to be any problems with my shunt and she wanted to "wait and see" how i was. During the night i was Literally SCREAMING in agony to the point a patient asked to be moved to a "quieter" ward so instead of moving her they moved me into my own room were i managed to get some sleep before being woken by pain. The next morning i wasnt any better so when NS appeared again she decided it was time for an ICP Monitor to check for pressure .SHE WAS FINALLY DOING SOMETHING YAY it was planned for the following morning which wasnt necesserally a good thing because it gave me more time to think about and in turn worry incase they found anything but i manged to eventually fall asleep and for the first time in a while sleep right through with a little help from a sleeping pill. I woke up very early to get ready because i was first to go down i was glad of that because i was starting to worry.

on the way down to theatre i suddenly started feeling VERY alone i have no idea why because i have done it so many times before. i LOVED the feeling of being put to sleep(i always have) possibly because whatever painkiller they gave me took the pain away.i was only out for like 10 mins but was in recovery for an hour.

when i arrived back on the ward i felt good but i knew it was because of the strong painkillers they had given me so i stayed in bed and watched tv before falling asleep then being woken in the early hours by yet another headache which kept me awake untill morning.

in the morning when my NS came to check the monitor she said "i'm worried because theres signs of pressure and the scans were clear" in other words i was going back down to theatre she said it was an Exploratry surgery to find the "problem".  so once again i travelled down the very long and lonely corridor.

I was under for 2 hours and spent a further 2 in recovery once i was fully awake i remember asking if they had found a problem and the doctor said "yes your valve was blocked so we replaced it". This sense of relief washed over me because i wasnt in any pain other than my wound.

They must have given me more Morphine because i managed to get another full night of uninteruppted sleep untill i was woken up early the next morning by another headache and more nausea which quickly turned to vomiting so i waited for the docs to do thier rounds so i could mention the way i was feeling. Once i told her she said "to wait and see" Turned out i waited 9 days in complete agony but by that time she had gone on holiday and i was placed under a differerant NS.

He had a VERY differant attitude to my usual doc and once he saw i still wasnt well he ordered another ICP which was in less than 24 hours before showing pressure.this time when he told me i was Hysterical i was utterly terrified and called my mum while i was talking to her he went to organise a CT  then immediate transfer to theatre then came back and asked to speak to her he said *i wont stop this time untill i find out what the problem is*so i signed the form consenting them to do what ever they had to then went for the CT. Turned out i was in theatre for 4 hours( the longest ever) and when i was in recovery my NS came over and told me that my "back" shunt was fractured and my stomach one wasnt working right so both had to be replaced at the same time.

i could hardly move for the next few days and in that time my normal doctor came back and when she came round to see me all she said was "your last surgery was at the weekend?" her attitude towards me totally changed because she knows shes fcked up and should have noticed the problems the first time.

Right now im back to the beginning with Headache/Nausea although nowere near as bad as before its bearable. I am SO SO angry im seriously considering asking to be put under another NS the next time im admitted because my confidence in her is totally lost.

i cant help but think of the consequences if she hadnt gone on holiday. i wouldnt be here writing this.

Its been a struggle not only for me but for my friends,family and boyfriend i love them all so much i couldnt have got through it  if it weren't for thier love and support.