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pneylan 
3:10pm, October 21, 2009
Well, I'm back from my trip to Vancouver and trying to reflect on how it went. Firstly the easy bit - Vancouver is such a wonderful place, probably the nicest city I've ever been to. It's a wonderfully relaxed, multi-cultural, liberal city that has a really pleasant, friendly feel to it. Visually it is a stunnintg place, surrounded by the pacific Ocean and framed by the mountains. As you turn every corner you see another wonderful view and there is so much to see and do there. Even the weather was good for the week I was there so I was able to get out and about and see lots of places. The other really nice thing about the place is how friendly and helpful people are which, again, made the whole trip nicer. I certainly feel better for having been away and seen and done different things for a while and I suppose that's what vacations are for.
I did find the travelling solo quite difficult but maybe that's only to be expected and I know lots of people manage it. There were some very low moments also. One evening I was sitting in a beautiful bayside restaurant looking out over the sea across to the mountains as the sun was setting and it suddenly hit me that this would have been one of those perfect moments in life if Pam had been there with me sitting across the table. She would have loved that moment and many of the other sights and sounds of Vancouver. Being out and about each day wasn't too bad but it hits home every time you ask for a table for one or get back to the hotel room on your own. I suppose I have learned that it doesn't matter how far you travel because you carry the burden through the rest of your life. It doesn't get better; it doesn't go away, you just have to take it with you whatever you do and wherever you go. But then, there is no other option really. Looking back over the last few months I realize how the trip has helped to give me something to look to in the future without dread or fear, at least a bit of a focus in my life. I realize how lucky I am to be in a postion where I can do these things and I try to be grateful for that. Maybe I'll slowly get better at being a solo traveller and I'm going to give it another go. I quite fancy San Francisco next! I'll let you know. Thanks to you all for all your support and encouragement. It makes a big difference to be able to share these thoughts and feelings. It's two years 2 months and 15 days now and I'm still here, still getting through each day and starting to do a few more things. It's not the future I planned but it is the one I've got and I have to try somehow to get through. Maybe travel is the answer for now. Meanwhile though, it's back to work tomorrow.
Comments
Welcome back! I'm glad to were able to enjoy it for the most part. If you do decide on San Francisco for your next jaunt, let me know; I lived in the San Francisco area for 20 years. If you liked Vancouver you would like SF. Good to have you back.
cliffskat
You are brave. I could visualize what you wrote. I found you journal entry touching. Bless you.
csee
I just new you would enjoy Vancouver. Like you, I find nights lonely when travelling....and those beautiful romantic scenes!!!
Glad you are home safe and sound.
Sel
nannysel
also...I was in Vancouver 5 times before I saw those mts...low clouds, fog, rain, snow, etc! You picked a great week to be there.
hugs
Sel
nannysel
glad you got to go, let the scenery in your mind calm you ... hugs, brenda
bren2gene
It is hard doing anything alone. I admire you for going on the trip and enjoying the beauty of the surroundings. We will carry this forever in our hearts but together we will survive. Hugs!!!
GoneForever
I am glad you enjoyed your vacation as much as you could. I don't think Vancouver is a beautiful place, I love it there.
There is so much more I'd like to say so I may send you a email.
Hugs
cagirl69
Sounds like you had a very nice trip. Great job going alone. I'm not so sure I could do that. I have flown alone since Bruce passed but was always meeting up with someone when I got there.I'm just starting to get used to going to a restaurant alone. I have never been to Vancouver but have heard that it's beautiful. I'm so glad you had a good time, Hugs, Lori
Loriluvsbruce
Welcome back and it sounds like a beautiful place! I'd like to go there someday too. I've always wanted to visit San Francisco. I've been to southern California - San Diego is absolutely beautiful and my favorite place so far. I admire you for going alone. I think that was very brave and something I wish I could do. I have a hard time going out to dinner alone let alone traveling! You're right - the feelings go with us wherever we are. You are really handling them well and learning to go on with life even though it is not the one you planned. I guess that's what they mean by our "new normal". Take care, Kathy
KateS
So glad to hear you had a good time...in spite of those 'moments'. You are correct...change of scenery doesnt change what is in our hearts, we take the sorrow with us. I just got back from a trip to Indiana, and for the most part, I really had a good time. Watching the moon come up tho...that was something Steve and I loved to do, and I had the same moments you did. I have yet to try traveling alone, much less dining out alone. I commend you for grabbing the reins and going for it! much love xoxo
allwayslively