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oneandonly37 
Today I feel like crap and I said that I will not let anyone take my joy again. I am getting close to being that place again. That place deep down, dark and dank, where nothing has a chance or an inkling of hope of surviving. I can't believe how one minute or one day can make such a big difference. I was with Michael over the weekend and I was soo freaking happy, because he and I seemed to be back together and then " I don't feel that way for you" I hate him for leading me on, but I guess it was my fault for putting myself in that situation. Shame on me, the hardest thing I think I have yet to accept is that fact that had I not had GH I would still be with him in theory anyway. Right now I just cried over a love lost. I did tell him that I saw our daughter with sandy blond hair, blue eyes and a light caramel complexion, I also told him that I say us at our wedding and not once did he freak out. Damn me for not having self esteem damn me for thinking that I could make him fall in love with me. Right now I cant fathom being with anyone because I have genital herpes not doubt it's not HIV or anything like that but it hurts just the same. To be rejected because of a lack of telling the truth my omission; damn damn, damn. HOw do I get to that happy place again. I can't be his friend who am I kiding? I should be honored but I cant I cant be his friend for he does not deserve to be in my life. I gave him the best of me and he fucking said I don't feel for you like that or perhaps he never did. ONe day ou will get over this and look back and laugh. It's hard enough for me to get a bf and this only further complicates my situation. Damn me for being so fucking gulliable. Today I don't forgive myself perhaps tomorrow will be different. For now I'm trying to cope. ONe day you will love yourself again Stacie but for now I hate you.
