tannkgirl's Journal

I don't know exactly why I am angry but I am.  I just feel more of a bitterness twords the world recently.  The indencency that people have with eachother, the lies, the betrayal, the pain and the suffering those cause.  I am tired of it all and I reflect on my life and the effect that it has had on me and my demenear.  I was always a strong independent ambitious woman.  But now I feel i have become all of those things plus hard and cynical.  I am too tough and too distrusting of others.  I am a very very honost person, and I always have been.  It makes it harder for me to understand why a person would lie when I don't see the point in it.  I know that it is normally because of the fear of a consequence of admitting an action, whether or not that consequence is an actual punisment or just the embarrasment aspect of it.  I just feel like we should have more control over our actions and not need to result in lying about them.  At least that has always been the logical approach for me.  It just seems like people are indimidated by those who are straight to the point and don't sugar coat.  I am not outwardly rude but I am honost.  It is almost as if you are punished by society for being that way - they like you better if you are a liar (as long as everyone can enjoy bliss in the lie.)  What a shameful existance.  It has always been an issue I had with this country/society here. 

England is very different and I feel I actually was understood over there.  People are just a lot more to the point.  In this country people talk about how the brits are cold and standoffish.  It is actually quite the opposite.  They are warm and sarcastic.  They just laugh about life and get to the point - but here, we can't handle that.  Everyone is always worried about self image.

I NEED to see differently.  But the only way I'm going to see that is to see people who will show me that.  It has been too long since I've met any new genuinely good people.  Tooo long.  Are they out there?  I'm losing faith and becoming more distant and distrustful of society...  I need some hope