tannkgirl's Journal

I was out today with a very attractive successful man.  It was nice, and I enjoyed myself.  After he left I headed back to the ranch because we were going to have a bbq, and I was walking to the restroom and happend to notice that my ex as there.  The guy I dated for the last two months before, who I wrote aout a bit in a few posts not to long ago.  I didn't think much of it, went to the restroom and then went back and we started cooking and bbqing.  I drank a bit, and the more I drank the more I started thinking...unfortunately.  And I started missing him.  About 5 minutes after I got to the ranch he left.  I know he left because he saw me, because apparently he was there for a while and then coincedently left a few minutes after I got there.  The whole situation is sad.  There is so much more to it, it is really complicated and I can never b e wit him again nor do i want to, at least when I'm sober I don't want to, but it still hurts.  I mean I was out wit this guy who is really into me, really attractive, does noble work and etc yet by the end of the day I'm thinking of this guy who was married and has kids (now back with his ex after I brok up with him...thats part of the long story) drinks too much, isn't even that attractive, is not legal int he US. I mean why would I even consider this guy..The intimacy was good, but thats not enough reason to stay with someone.  I think I just wan't broken people or something yet I can't really figure out why.  Anyways I'm a bit drunk and have not much more to write.  Oh and I ordered a refill on my meds prescription and I didn't get it yet so I most likely will get it tuesday (kuz of the  holiday) so I didn't have it today and I wont have it tomorrow and I am going to suffer miserable for that.  Missing 2 days of my meds is really really painful.  Ugh what a disaster