Journal

Friday..thank God. I dont drink but today surely would have been a margarita day!!! it was such a hectic week. I spoke with my son yesterday. I am going to see him tomorrow i havent seen him in 2 weeks i am so excited. I just hate the idea of been behind the plexi glass where you cant even hug him or kiss him. It is very depressing i leave and i just sit in my car and i cry for a good 1/2 an hour, get my composure and head home. I have been so depressed lately that my house is so dirty i just cant bring myself to do nothing. It is so hard when i also take care of my mom so by the time i commute back home which is about 1 hour there are nights that i am getting home after 7 and i am exhausted. Then i have to deal with my beautiful "dog" children. I have 3 rotties that are my life!! i cant continues and i am so freaking broke all the time that i cant even afford to go someplace for the weekend. Thank u for letting me vent.

Today my husband got some more bad news. His bad cholesterol is high, his good one is low and his triglicerides are high. The doctor told him if he did not make changes he is going to have a major heart attack and possible die in the next 5 years. I am hoping that scared him a little...i know it did me. I have so much on my plate right now that i feel like sleeping and not waking up!! i am so overwhelmed. My son called me yesterday and he was so sorry that his friend went to see him last tuesday because that bumped my visitation. I dont even know what i am going to do when he is sent far away and i am not going to see him as frequently as i do now. My husband does not understand why i want to see him every weekend. I also have to sneak a couple of dollars and put it in his canteen. He gets mad and thinks he should not have anything while he is locked up. Well enough rambling for tonight i am going to bed....good night everyone and thank you for all the support you have shown me.

Monday: i am so glad the weekend is over. At least i was able to comb my hair, and look half way presentable for a week of solving other peoples problems!!! My pain is overwhelming today i am battling the depression really bad. I just want to be left alone and feel sorry for myself. When is all this going to come to an end? i go thru stages of feeling bad then the clouds lift and i feel good again.