Itsmytime's Journal

Not feeling brilliant tonight.  Lots of thoughts and doubts running through my head.

I am sure I was lied to this afternoon.  By a friend. 

Now, I have no proof, but what I was told, just - well I am struggling to believe.  No real reason to doubt, just gut feeling and the thought that what I was told doesnt make sense or add up.

Am I hurt by the lie - Yes.

Does it matter, well Yes and no.

The subject did not need to be lied about - the answer could have been either way, I would not have minded, so why lie, why not tell the truth.  Hence giving the wrong answer doesnt matter. But if there is a need to lie, Why?

Why does this bother me.

Well where there is one lie there may be more.

Do I trust blindly? 

Do I find 1 lie and disbelieve everything else.

Here lies part of my issue.

I have lied in the past.

I really try hard not to, because I have a bad memory and if I lie then I simply cant remember what I said and then it is too hard and stressful to maintain.

I have lied by omission.

That is easier to do - if not asked directly then not to volunteer information. 

Is this lying or maintaining a decent level of privacy???

Trust is important to me.  Both to be trustworthy and to trust others.

Most of my relationships, like nearly all, are completely honest - sometimes even a little too open.

But, There are one or two relationships right now where I have withheld information. 

I feel badly about this.

I suppose that different levels of closeness to people require different levels of honest disclosure.   The supermarket checkout lady doesnt need to know anything beyond I am not hiding stolen goods, whereas my mother requires more truthful information than that.

So what if I choose to withhold information from a close relationship.  I suppose then that with the omissions comes a certain emotional distancing.  The ability to understand one another is deminished.

There are several very important relationships in my life.  But 3 are in a state of uncertainty.

One I have been truthful, but omitted information, emotions, etc.

One I have been truthful, but feel I have been lied to.

And the last I feel I have been truthful and have been judged as a result.

Maybe truth just caused pain.