qtpi's Journal

2 more months to go and it seems so close and so far at the same time. I'm starting to get more back aches and its near impossible for me to pick stuff up off the floor, or even get down on the floor to play with my dog. I'm really starting to like my swimming classes, only to find out that they are closing the pool for Sept for maintenance. There are other city pools around but they are further from my house. The pool will have more information about the other pools later in the month. Swimming makes me feel really good. I feel like I'm getting stronger and training for labour instead of being a couch potato. I also like the weightless feeling. I feel so heavy and enormous now and I can't imagine getting any bigger. I stopped weighing myself in the mornings because I can't stand looking at the numbers anymore. All I know is that its more that 35 lbs. Everyone says that I don't look it though and if you look at me from behind I don't even look pregnant. So either 1)I carry extra weight well like my twin sister (who is 205 lbs but she doesn't look it. For comparison, I was 135 before I got pg) 2) Its all baby or fluid. I'm trying not to worry about it because there's nothing I can do about it right now, but I just feel huge and I don't like it. It makes me feel unattractive. In order to get Stephen to say anything about how I look I have to go fishing for it. I'm worried that I won't get my pre-pregnancy figure back. I just have to be disaplined and work at it (something I've never had to do before) and I'm just worried that I will end up being too lazy and not motivated to do it. I have a hard time getting motivated. I do miss all my cute pre-pregnancy clothes. It would be a real triumph to get back into them. I bought a dress a few months before I got pregnant and never felt "skinny" enough to wear it so its still sitting in my closet probably with the tags still on it. I'm focused on getting back into that and some of my "skinny" jeans. I supposed that would be good motivation, the feeling of wearing those again. I just hope my skin springs back too. I'm getting alot of stretch marks but at least the aren't above my belly button (yet). I don't want to end up with baggy flabby skin that I can't do anything about (without surgical intervention).

Yesterday before my swimming class, some of the ladies in the locker room looked at me and said that I dropped. I didn't think that was supposed to happen yet. I still have 8 more weeks to go (5 at the least!) Does that mean that Alexander will be early? I"m a bit worried that he will be premature. But if he's big enough then I guess its ok. I just wish I knew which way he was pointed. I will ask at my next appointment which is on the 25th. This will be the first appointment that Stephen will not come with me for. He has to miss it because he got a summons for Jury duty and that day is the first day he has to report. I hope he doesn't get picked for a jury. I'm worried because what if he's picked for a trial that will start soon and he can't be with me for the birth of our first child or what if he can't be at home like we planned to help care for him. Stephen was planning to take off from when Alexander is born until Dec 1st. I just hope he can get out of it. We won't find out anything until he goes in on the 25th.

As far as the prenatal class, I think it was helpful. The nurse-midwife running the class explained alot of different things.. medication, vaginal birth, position of the baby, stages of labour, C-section etc. We even got to see a few videos of women giving birth. I'm not that scared of it or of the pain. I'm more scared of the unknown. What if Alexander is breech? What if my mom isn't there for the birth? What if Stephen isn't as vocal with breathing instruction as I need him to be? In the class we practiced a few comforting positions and message techniques and breathing exercises. I don't think I was doing the breathing right because Stephen didn't give me clear directions. He also couldn't tell when I was breathing because he was behind me massaging my back and I didn't want to breath too loudly in the class. He's never been real vocal so I'm not sure if I will get the direction I want or need. I'm really hoping he will rise to the occasion. Either that or I will have to figure out how to do it myself.

Well, thats a few things of whats going on and things that I'm thinking about/worried about. It feels good to write them down since I don't have anyone to talk to. Hope all my DS friends are doing well.