Join Now
queenie2716 
I have been diagnosed for having bi polar almost a year ago to date. Last March I was slightly manic, my sex drive started go in overdrive, my confidence was great, and boy do I love that. But in April, I went full blown manic, I was stay up, my mind was racing, I was very angry at my ex boyfriend at the time. Long story short, he was suspend from his job, for insurance fraud. (keep ex wife on insurance) So this deception was done while he was with me. Boy the aggression I was feeling was horrible!!! Can I cannot believe about my sex drive. I was on the internet looking at porn, having cyber sex, looking for people to have sex with, and that is all I thought about. I had sex in a parking lot after my daughter baseball game. One night I found a man on line that lived near me and I went to his house that night. In the back of my mind I know it was wrong but I needed it. I was very lucky, I did not get hurt. The next day the regret was horrible, I have not done that in years, what was I thinking I had my daughter to think about?
(In the mean time I my mom was talking to her counselor about me and was tiring to get me to go back, so things we kind of were set up for me all I had to do was call.) So the next day I called. I got an appointment with in a week. So 3 weeks later I saw the doctor and he told me I was BP. The doc put me on Geodon that was the med from hell for me. I beg the doc to take me off, after 2 months of changing the dose and adding a med, I begged him again. That is when he put me on Neuronton. Yeah, I am stable.
Now, that I have looked at my past I have been bipolar since I was in my teens. I was constantly manic, I did have some down times, but nothing very long. After I had my daughter, I went in to my depression. They told me that it was Post-partum, post traumatic stress syndrome, and depression. So they put me on Neuronton, and Zoloft. I was doing really well. Than the as ex keep telling me I did not need to take meds, so after hearing that for a while I went off. The depression was gone but the angry, was there. If something made me mad I would go 0 to 90 in seconds, and there was not turning back. I would fight with my parents, I would yell at my daughter all the time. The ex and I fought all the time.
Once I got off the med from hell, I have really started to become a better person. I can function and I am now learning all that I can about bipolar, I have learned that I am not BP, I have it. I cannot worry about what others think about me because I have it.
I had a stressful time in April, I was apart of an investigation and I had to have a polygraph. I was cleared, but it sent me in to a tail spin. I had my parents, and they helped me through. While this was happening I started to do self-injury that is the first time I ever did it. After I cut myself twice and in the middle of during the next I stopped myself. I realized this was not a good release of angry. I talked to my parents, and they wanted to call my doc and counselor, but I did not because I know they would commit me, and I did not want that. I wanted to settle down myself. I did. The next week I saw my counselor and doc, and my counselor said if I did call she would have had me committed.
In all this I realized how important it is to have a safety net. My parents are my frontline, but I need to have others as well when parents are not around. I am going to have my parents go to my counselor to learn how to take care of me when I am manic, and depressed.
I just thought I would share this with everyone so the know my story.
I am sending the hugs to everyone, because I know how important it is to know that you are not alone. And even though we know that, the depression we tell us different. So right now I am up, I am happy, I want to tell you that I am here if you need me. But I do know that there will be times that I will need you. I am so glad I found this site.
(In the mean time I my mom was talking to her counselor about me and was tiring to get me to go back, so things we kind of were set up for me all I had to do was call.) So the next day I called. I got an appointment with in a week. So 3 weeks later I saw the doctor and he told me I was BP. The doc put me on Geodon that was the med from hell for me. I beg the doc to take me off, after 2 months of changing the dose and adding a med, I begged him again. That is when he put me on Neuronton. Yeah, I am stable.
Now, that I have looked at my past I have been bipolar since I was in my teens. I was constantly manic, I did have some down times, but nothing very long. After I had my daughter, I went in to my depression. They told me that it was Post-partum, post traumatic stress syndrome, and depression. So they put me on Neuronton, and Zoloft. I was doing really well. Than the as ex keep telling me I did not need to take meds, so after hearing that for a while I went off. The depression was gone but the angry, was there. If something made me mad I would go 0 to 90 in seconds, and there was not turning back. I would fight with my parents, I would yell at my daughter all the time. The ex and I fought all the time.
Once I got off the med from hell, I have really started to become a better person. I can function and I am now learning all that I can about bipolar, I have learned that I am not BP, I have it. I cannot worry about what others think about me because I have it.
I had a stressful time in April, I was apart of an investigation and I had to have a polygraph. I was cleared, but it sent me in to a tail spin. I had my parents, and they helped me through. While this was happening I started to do self-injury that is the first time I ever did it. After I cut myself twice and in the middle of during the next I stopped myself. I realized this was not a good release of angry. I talked to my parents, and they wanted to call my doc and counselor, but I did not because I know they would commit me, and I did not want that. I wanted to settle down myself. I did. The next week I saw my counselor and doc, and my counselor said if I did call she would have had me committed.
In all this I realized how important it is to have a safety net. My parents are my frontline, but I need to have others as well when parents are not around. I am going to have my parents go to my counselor to learn how to take care of me when I am manic, and depressed.
I just thought I would share this with everyone so the know my story.
I am sending the hugs to everyone, because I know how important it is to know that you are not alone. And even though we know that, the depression we tell us different. So right now I am up, I am happy, I want to tell you that I am here if you need me. But I do know that there will be times that I will need you. I am so glad I found this site.
Comments
wow. sounds like you have been through alot.
thomas1977
I agree sounds like you have been through a lot but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. xx
Ginine
Sorry to hear what you've been going thru. It was very kinds of you to send out hugs as a response. Take Care.
jackie1277
Queenie, I was amazed at how much your story sounds like mine! Right down to the sexual overdrive! I don't have kids and was diagnosed at 14 (I am now 25) But every thing else fits. I have never been on Geodon or Neuronton but I have tried self injury (Mine was hitting myself on the arms). The hugs are so very needed and I am so greatful you have been willing to send them. I almost lost my husband due to the sexual overdrive. Like you I am up right now but I never know when another down will hit. I take my meds but even so I sometimes crash hard. If you want to talk I am here.
Roriksvixen
You've really been though a lot it's good that you have your parents for support and a good support. Glad to hear that your doing better. Thanks for the hug. And your right about this sight it has been the best thing for me, really has helped me though some hard times and the people on here are great I'm glad that I found it to, just at the right time too. If you ever need to talk I'm on here a lot too. Take care of yourself.
redrose2007
wow..reading your life story..I could relate in so many ways..It is so wondeful to have good family support..but itis also wonderful to have PROFESSIONAL SUPPORT AND FRIENSHIP SUPPORT.. and DS. is the best place..to unload, and inhale the good..I look forward to getting to know..more about you..
Jakota1959
Hugs and thinking of you.....Betty
wandererbetty
I know the story well. Hang in there.
Centerra
hey honey,readin your story i could relate to so much, im afraid im pretty down right now but i'll be back up soon.
the support u have from your family is amazing n im so glad you have that, at the mo i have pushed my whole support network away with my angry outbursts but they so dont understand what its like to live with bp, anyway look forward to gettin to know u better. janeX
rjanie
hey honey,readin your story i could relate to so much, im afraid im pretty down right now but i'll be back up soon.
the support u have from your family is amazing n im so glad you have that, at the mo i have pushed my whole support network away with my angry outbursts but they so dont understand what its like to live with bp, anyway look forward to gettin to know u better. janeX
rjanie
hey honey,readin your story i could relate to so much, im afraid im pretty down right now but i'll be back up soon.
the support u have from your family is amazing n im so glad you have that, at the mo i have pushed my whole support network away with my angry outbursts but they so dont understand what its like to live with bp, anyway look forward to gettin to know u better. janeX
rjanie
You've been through a lot. It's hard to focus on one thing. There are so may things! I take Geodon. It calms me but I don't like it. I want to get off all my meds. I really hate the. it's funny, I don't want sex when I'm manic. I just crave going somewhere and also eating. I could use a little sex drive, but I know it must be hard to have so much. I'm sure I will get well and am very impatient. It's taking SO LONG. ANyway, I am glad you asked me to be your friend.
tipperspal
hey Queenie, I don't know how I missed reading your journal entry... I'm so glad you could share all of that. i too, am very lucky that the trouble i was around when i was manic didn't harm me, and that all the sex partners didn't give me permanent STDs... it was so scary going to get tested.
Don't forget that when you were manic, it wasn't you. Your brain tricks you into thinking those things will never hurt you.
Don't look back, keep looking forward. I will definitely be here, with you throught the good times and the bad! you've been such a help to me, so thank you!!
Adrienne28
Manic is a strange condition. We all do things totally out of character.
Be good to yourself now in the present!
SuzeQ
Our stories are very similar in some ways. I too am angry alot when I am manic. My hubby used to tell me all the time he did not beleive in all the mental "BS" as he called. After my third hospitalization and a lot of fights he is not much more supportive. It is very important to have that safety net. Mine has always been my best friend. She has always been able to talk sense in to me.
I'm here if you ever nee dto talk. Take care
Tobi