Ouch1972's Journal

I've been worrying for 2 days because I hadn't heard anything from the catastrophic leave committee, yet.  They meet every other Thursday, but since several members were out of town yesterday, they held the meeting today.  I didn't find this out until like 1:58 and they met at 2.  I had a huge wave of anxiety go from my head to my toes at that very moment.  I should hear something before I leave at 5 today....I hope.  I don't think I can deal with the not knowing all weekend.  All this worrying and stressing is not helping my blood sugar, I must say.  It's probably not helping my blood pressure, either.  I had to take a valium.  THis is getting ridiculous.  So much is riding on this decision.  Emotionally, mentally, physically, it has been all encompassing.  It's all I can think about and I feel paralyzed.  Last time I got a reply at 4:45, so of course, if I don't get an answer by then I will be thoroughly freaked.  I can't let things go.  I can't will myself to not worry.  That's my thing.  That's one thing I KNOW I'm good at!

If this doesn't come through I can't file for disability.  Everyone seems to think, by the way the letter I got 2 weeks ago was worded, that I would be approved as long as I submitted an application for long term disability.  The LTD doesn't have to be approved yet, they just have to see it and I could be approved for fully paid medical leave until the LTD kicks in, which is 6 months.  I'm sure I'm repeating myself, but I'm trying to pass the time and trying not to think about it.  That makes no sense....if I'm typing about it, I'm thinking about it.  Whatever.

Ok, I have to go pray now.

Les