Ouch1972's Journal

I'm in the process of applying for catastrophic leave.  I met with a disability attorney this morning.  She said that with all the things I have going on, that she wants to be really aggressive and try to get this done the first go around.  I know that it takes a long time for some people.  I think it's terrible.  I'm not getting my hopes up but the thing she's banking on is the fact that I have really bad diabetes that caused high blood pressure and neither are well controlled right now because of stress and pain.  The high blood pressure is what caused the aneurysm I had in my head last year.  Since it was coiled and not clipped there is a higher risk of having another one.  She was really awesome.  She's also a registered nurse and had a lot of medical knowledge.

My depression/anxiety is still out of control.  I go back to the psychiatrist the 25th I think.  I don't know what else to do.  I need to come on here more often because I literally have nobody to talk to.  I think I've worn everyone out, but I don't think they understand how bad it is.  How I think about how easy it would be to make all the pain stop.  How often I think about that, but then I think about my kids.  Then the guilt sets in.

Please, do me a favor and don't tell me that could/will take a long time.  I'm well aware of this.  I don't mean to sound rude, I just can't handle any negativity right now.  I can't handle it.  I can't handle anything.  I'm having a small anxiety attack right now just thinking about going to work.  My boss thinks I'm a mind reader.  That woman is evil.  I'm not even kidding.  All these people tell me these horror stories about her and I'm like, "Why didn't you tell me this BEFORE I took this shit hole of a job!"  It's SO not worth the pay increase.  It's not.

Les