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codependent 
11:58pm, September 8, 2009
i'm at a point where i'm seriously terrified that my life may be in danger. the last time i had dreams like this was when i was with isaac. i remember back in 01 i had a dream i was already dead. i was a skeleton with a bunch of other skeletons in a group following someone else.
i have no idea what's going on. i had a dream last night that i was running away from a killer. this killer found me everywhere i went but i was already gone. he kept harrassing me on the phone and antagonizing me. i stood up for myself but was petrified. oddly enough isaac
was in jail for 2 months and now is out. the same day he was released was the day my apt was broken into. but my gut instinct is telling me that a guy i know from work is the one who did it. the things i've been doing lately i'm scaring myself even. i hardly ever get scared from
taking risks. i've been lost again. trying to find love when all i find is nothing. i need to quit looking. i've been doing the same things i used to do when i was in high school such as being promiscuous. i hope i dont end up buried in the west mesa. sometimes i feel as if its
not even worth trying anymore. i'm behind on my bills barely making it through the skin of my teeth. i feel like i dont have a purpose anymore. i know i'm super depressed but am trying to hide behind a mask as always. i fear that i should take my own life first before someone else
does because i'm too trusting and gullible. i'm tired of trying. i cant do this anymore. i'm keeping secrets from my parents, not telling them about the burglary or quitting the best job i ever had cuz i couldnt get any hours. i hate keeping things from them like this.
i have no idea what's going on. i had a dream last night that i was running away from a killer. this killer found me everywhere i went but i was already gone. he kept harrassing me on the phone and antagonizing me. i stood up for myself but was petrified. oddly enough isaac
was in jail for 2 months and now is out. the same day he was released was the day my apt was broken into. but my gut instinct is telling me that a guy i know from work is the one who did it. the things i've been doing lately i'm scaring myself even. i hardly ever get scared from
taking risks. i've been lost again. trying to find love when all i find is nothing. i need to quit looking. i've been doing the same things i used to do when i was in high school such as being promiscuous. i hope i dont end up buried in the west mesa. sometimes i feel as if its
not even worth trying anymore. i'm behind on my bills barely making it through the skin of my teeth. i feel like i dont have a purpose anymore. i know i'm super depressed but am trying to hide behind a mask as always. i fear that i should take my own life first before someone else
does because i'm too trusting and gullible. i'm tired of trying. i cant do this anymore. i'm keeping secrets from my parents, not telling them about the burglary or quitting the best job i ever had cuz i couldnt get any hours. i hate keeping things from them like this.
