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shirlE 
I have taken over the checkbook and the credit cards so I feel a LOT better. At least now I know where the money is going. Think I can deal with the rest of the bipolar stuff. So far so good. Thanks to all who gave input on this issue.
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My husband of many years has bipolar (and other) mental illness. I have lived through many episodes of his mood disorder, which is primarily now one of excessive spending (that is, credit charging) which I fear is going to put us in the poor house (if there is such a place anymore). Is there anyone out there who has lived through this and can you say something to give me hope either of continuing on with him or leaving him?
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I have bipolar and the only way to stop me is to ensure I do not have access to credit period. Check the mail and cut up the cards. I have been so close to bankruptcy so many times and God has provided so many outs for me it is amazing! Right now I am searching for an outside source that will assist me in paying my bills and just give me whatever spending money I have. He needs to get honest about the issue. I cannot overcome on my own!
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Thanks for your comment -- it helps. I have told him that if we are to live together any longer, he must turn over his checking account and credit cards to me. He has failed so many times to keep his end of the bargain by promises, promises, promises that I expect him to fail this too. He always finds a way to get hold of the credit cards from the mail and away he goes. He is very secretive -- I never see a receipt, never! Only way I know is when the credit card bill comes in and I see the charges. I have threatened things like if you charge one more thing I will take something away from you that will hurt. Sometimes that works and sometimes it doesn't. I feel like I am being kept in prison or something.
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I am so sorry to hear about your husband, I am sure it is a difficult thing to live with. I also saw that you lost your Mother a couple of years ago. I lost mine 6 monts ago and am really having a hard time. I am a retired nurs too, so I have a little knowledge of bereavement, but I find it is hard when it is myself that needs the support. This has been a bad morning for me...sorry if I am not making sense...
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thank you for your words of encouragement. I really appreciate it. I too have a pic of Mom on my fridge and on my screensaver. I guess some might think this is sick, but the picture on the screensaver makes me laugh and think of the funny things we did. This particular pic is of her opening the door to an outdoor toliet...I merely told her that I was going to take her picture when she sat down..well this tickeled her so much that she looked like she was about to wet her pants laughing...I captured this moment..so you might say we had a little wierd humor..but it was good. My Dad took a different approach too, he wanted everything of Moms out of the house after the funeral. He wanted me to pack it up and take it away. He said he didnt want any reminders..they had been married 63 years. We can talk about her together, but it is so hard not to cry and I dont want to upset him. I imagine it is different grieving for a spouse than a parent. But both are major losses. I really dont want to become obsessive about this and hopefully in time my emotions will be under control. Thanks again for sending me a message it means a lot!
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Tell your husband that "working through the grief" is feeling the pain and you can't do that if you take away all the reminders. It will get better -- just doesn't feel like it is moving very fast, I know. God bless.
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Have a great Christmas with your family. Tomorrow is our first go around. I guess we will hav 14 for dinner and gift exchange, then Monday my hubbys people come over so that is about 20 more...busy time and I will be a little relieved when it is over.
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My sons were disapointed this evening that their grandpa wasnt with us, but our evening went well. The children had a great time and everyone ate too much. I am so tired that I will turn it shortly. Your dinner sounds wonderful too. We love oysters. I usually scallop them at Thanksgiving with the turkey dinner. I remember the days when they were safer to eat. My Mother would order a gallon of fresh oysters at Thanksgiving to last til Christmas. We would eat them raw on a saltine, fry them , have oyster stew and scallop them...not bad for a group in Kentucky! I really don know how that tradition got started. Oh well, enjoy your family and we will talk when you return. Have a safe trip and God Bless.
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My son cooked the oysters on the grill -- not as messy as shucking them for frying, stew, etc. You did really well with the oysters way back there in Kentucky. My home town in Russellville, Ohio is only 7 miles from the Ohio River and Maysville, Kentucky.
Taking over the money from my bipolar husband has worked -- seems like the only way I can influence his behavior is through his wallet! Whatever works!
shirlE
Any of you living with bipolar spouses still around?
shirlE