Today has been a day of improvements, …
Today has been a day of improvements, thank goodness. Rachel's ANC has jumped from a grand total of 30 yesterday, to …
Join Now
starflower 
End the Silence
Its funny, in trying to decide what charity I wanted to write an entry about, you would think with my diagnoses I would gravitate towards fibro, myofascial pain, or even a chronic pain organization; but I have an even more silent issue on my heart. That is the loss of unborn children and the lack of attention, support, and acknowlegement that the parents of these lost children receive.
I am one of those parents! The only visible sign to anyone that my heart was broken in two on 4 different occassions is that I wear a reminder bracelet on my right wrist. If I am asked about my bracelet I tell my story, otherwise, you would never know that I carry their memory with me every day. I try not to let it take over my life or turn it into something negative, because it is far from that. It was painful to loose 4 babies before I got to meet them face to face or to hold them in my arms, but I was touched by each of them and they changed my life in so many ways that have been positive. So in order to make it easier to carry the pain with me every day, I focus on the positive affects my unborn children had on my life. They were silent, yet they shaped me much more than you could ever imagine.
I am a better mother due to everything I have been through. I know all too well how quickly one of my children can be taken from me and I cherish each and every moment with them. I am more patient with my living children because I know better than ever how precious they are and that as much as I can mold their lives, they have molded me even more. I am so thankful for the joy my children have brought into my life and I am thankful for the chance to be a part of their lives.
Yes, I lost 4 children who I won't get to hold in my arms or get to mold as they grow. However, I also know many women who haven't had the opportunity to experience the joy of being a mother to a living child and have never known what it feels like to have her child give her a hug and say, "I love you Mommy!" And even though my pain is deep after loosing 4 children I also have 4 wonderful living children and all of them, silent or not, have touched my life in such a wonderful way that I find it difficult to put into words. So my heart goes out to other moms who have lost their babies who have also been affected by the silence that the loss of a child brings.
We leave the hospital or clinic with a broken heart, the silence of not having a baby in our arms, and the silence of people who should support us but don't know what to do or say. And as we walk the journey of grieving for the child we lost, that journey becomes more and more silent as time goes on. No one in our society wants to hear how beautiful we thought our child was, how much they weighed, or even what color their hair was. You see, we suffer in silence with no baby to hear cry. And no one seems to understand how painful this journey is except maybe other mothers who have had the same experience. In many cases, our husbands don't even understand. They try, but they often ad to the silence. Our society doesn't recognize us in any way and so we carry our pain in silence. So today I hope I can end the silence of many of us who have expeienced the pain of a lost child by getting the word out. We want to talk about our lost children and we want you to ask how we are and let us tell you about our child.
So I hope in the spirit of not allowing us to be silent any longer, you will donate to "Share Infant and Pregnancy Loss Support, Inc." http://www.nationalshareoffice.com/contribute.shtml This organization helps to end the silence that many of us experience after the loss of a child. It is a wonderful charity that provides support to families who have experienced miscarriage, stillbirth, or early infant death.
Comments
You might also like ...
Hello all, Well, Rachel's ANC has …
Hello all, Well, Rachel's ANC has been hovering around the 700 mark for the last couple of days, which is much …
(This is Rachel's Mum Linda writing) …
(This is Rachel's Mum Linda writing) Today, Thursday August 24th 2006, is exactly one year to the day since my baby …
I think of this problem often. I can't go into why, but it is important to me as well. And you're right - these losses are not given the attention or sympathy they deserve. I'm so sorry to hear about your losses...Really, I don't know what to say. I AM glad that although you lost your babies, you had the chance to have some healthy ones. (hugs)
I was tested for lupus back when they were ruling things out for FMS. Can these autoimmune diseases come in and out in tests? Last night, my mom reminded me I have had this problem before, a couple of years ago, that required me to come to the ER as well.
KAnne1989
If you are mildly sick with Lupus or any autoimmune disease or starting with it, it can cause the tests to be negative or the test will be low which some doctors won't treat as positive.
starflower
I can relate Star. I lost four unborn children also. I had so many feelings reading your post. I have been debating on going on a retreat called "Project Rachel" for years now. I have had closure but some nights I lay in bed and my four children are on my mind. What would they look like? How old they would be, boys or girls?
Yesterday taking my friend to Boston she told me a story that broke my heart and reminded me that many of us lose children. She is dying of Liver Cancer from untreated Hepatitis C. She could not undergo the chemo for Hep C because she also has AIDS. She was an IV drug user in her 20's but is now 19 years clean and sober. Well anyway, She found out she was pregnant with twins back in the 80's. She also found out half way through the pregnancy she had AIDS. She was sick and not doing well and they didn't test for that back then. It was found out in her 6th month and she was failing. I guess her AIDS was killing her because of the load of the twins. The doctor told her at 7 months she needed to abort both babies or else she would die. She had to make a very hard decision and had an abortion. She went on AIDS drugs and has never had children but has lived almost 20+ years with it.
I was really touched by her story. I think that has to be the hardest decision a mother can make.
Great Charity to support and GodBless you, Hugs, Keleee :)
Keleee
I did not know your pain, Fern. I am so sorry to hear all this, yet..you are so right about this charity!
My youngest daughter lost 2 babies and my oldest lost her first one.
It IS very hard on the silence!
Thank you for sharing this and feeling the blessings you now have. No man can EVER know how a Mother feels about her children. You have certainly recieved the love from God, by giving you this grief and sorrow, He came to you again and Blessed you with more and also the
knowledge/wisdom you now have to raise these babies.
Take care sweetie and your journal has touched my heart!
Thank you too for showing me the site on that horrible movie!
Love,
KZ
doneitall
dear fern,well we have talked now ,and both know how importnt this charity is.i have lost two pregancies ,my first and my last .one at 3 1/2 months ,one slightly later.both broke my heart .i can remember being put in a ward waiting to have a d&c.and hearing new borns cry .i cried too ,for the baby i would never rock and soothe when he/she cried.i,too went on to have 3 healthy girls ,who are my whole world.nothing i have done in my life has been as important or as wonderful ,as giving birth and holding my precious children.I,can sympathise for every mother who has started to carry a child ,listen to its heart beat ,feel the first flutter ,only to lose the precious cargo they are carrying.good choice fern,i hope it will also bring it to the attention of many people wondering what charity to help.take care and god bless.sharon xx
Rocky7