Journal Entry for April 19, 2008
Maybe I will start writing here again.
We'll see...
There's this song that's been getting to me (and I can't completely dissect it …
I'm a college student in New England that's doing the best she can: I've got alot of things going for me but there are a couple of things trying to drag me down...
I'm a college student in New England that's doing the best she can: I've got alot of things going for me but there are a couple of things trying to drag me down...
I'm a writer so I do writerly things (ha ha)--no seriously I'm an English major so I LOVE books--I like books about identity but I also read alot of medieval literature. I also LOVE music-- I used to be a professional clarinetist (my little brother is about to go to Julliard) and I'm in the gospel choir and we just finished singing at the New Orleans Jazzfest...I'm really active on campus and I have a freshman mentor (I'm a junior) and two "little sisters" through a program: one is 6 and a half and the other is 7 and a half. I think they're one of the best parts of my life (that's why they're included here) because I wish someone had been a mentor for me when I was that age. Anyway if there's something else you want to know, just ask. :-)
I'm a writer so I do writerly things (ha ha)--no seriously I'm an English major so I LOVE books--I like
Maybe I will start writing here again.
We'll see...
There's this song that's been getting to me (and I can't completely dissect it …
I think I'm going to stop writing here. And I'm going to terminate my account.
I'm too scared that someone will find my journal and I …
I just died inside.
I'm 21 now.
The day sucked (it was yesterday)
and I'm so behind on work
I didn't/can't/won't
celebrate.
I just feel like crawling …
It's been a long time...almost a month. Alot has changed. As you probably noticed, for the first time in history there's a green …
so i wrote a new journal entry, but on xanga.
link: www.xanga.com/erroneous__i
haha hello madame. i am fine except for that i cannot write this one philosophy essay to save my goddamn life. it was due like a week ago, and i just failed all over my paper when i tried. but other than that im okay. i wore my first miniskirt! (with leggings, of course) how are you?
meh im okay. my moms sucha bitch.
what do you mean last post?
mer i have an english question. aim?
I've always been a little weird about food--I started closet eating when I was 7 or 8, purging when I was 10, and I went into recovery for the first time when I was 19. I'm still trying to make it. I've relapsed a couple of times but trying to work through things.
I started self injuring when I was 14...I just stopped last year. I recently relapsed and had a really bad episode, and the urges keep getting stronger and I've got to find a way to make things better.
I'm having a really hard time coming to terms with my sexual side...
I've been depressed as long as I can remember...so I have a hard time telling my story. I'm just trying not to let it affect my life.
My parents have been divorvced 3 times (same two parents) and my brother and I both have eating disorders and our parents are really controlling. I don't know what to do about it.
so I'm not a hardcore drug abuser--occasionally I pop a couple extra sleeping pills or something than I should, but I'm trying to get help before it spirls out of control...
I have always loved clothes: my mother is a designer and so I see clothes alot and I'm an impulse buyer and I just spend...my parents yell at me and I do it anyway. I can't help myself and it's going to be a problem because I'm getting out of college soon...I need help. Lots of it.
I've just really figured out what these little "freakouts" that I have are: panic attacks. I need to learn how to manage them.
Most of my family is obese, and I am too, although I'm trending down. I'm not listing treatments because the onees I used/use are bad and I wouldn't recommend them to anyone.
I was diagnosed as bipolar a little over a year ago. I'm not sure how much I agree with it, but in some ways it's accurate--I just can't tell if the mania I experience is just productivity...
I've considered having gastric bypass surgery, so I think it would be helpful to talk to people that have had it/ are about to have it. I just have to figure out how to make a fine distinction between my eating disorder and the idea of a healthy weight.
I'm going into my senior year and I'm trying to figure out what to do with my life--I have a lot of options, but with those options come lots of tests, money spending, etc. I'm trying to make it to the top but I don't want to risk my sanity to get it. So I guess I'm looking for help.
I had a rough time in high school and now I want to help someone else that needs it--I'm now a college senior at an Ivy League school--I want other people to realize they can do the same thing.
I had insomnia before...but after getting my life in order things weren't so bad. Now it's back.
I've been lactose intolerant for about 6 months or so I think... it's driving me crazy. I'm looking for tips to help me survive the holidays.
I'm contemplating having a couple of procedures done.
I'm currently practicing abstinence, but I'm not sure why--perhaps I'm too scared to let anyone know the real me so that they could get close to me and perhaps even love me.