Hi im lost and confused. I have …
Hi im lost and confused. I have a 4 year old who has austism. I have not been able to find any help in my community and …
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mom4 
3:29pm, February 8, 2009
Ok, I need to know I am not a horrible mother.... Jacobs birthday is today and I had planned to have a family thing tonight and then take him and a couple of his friends bowling on friday evening. Well, I cancelled the bowling thing due to the fact that Jacob's behavior has been absolutley horrible lately as well as his brother and sisters too. I dont ask them to due much, pick up their toys and clothes and make their beds on the weekends. I had a lot more chores when I was their age and my mother didnt have to scream and yell at me to do them, I didnt talk back to her (we didn't dare), I didnt throw tantrums and tell her "no" when I didnt get my way, and I am sick and tired of my husband and I being treated like we are doormats.
We go with out so they have, we try to give them the things they want and do things for them and this is the way we get treated and I am worn out and tired of it all!!!!
I know Jacob has problems but I think it has all just gotten out of hand and he knows we treat him with kid gloves because he has issues and I think he is using it to his advantage now...He is a very smart boy and I really believe he knows a little more about what is going on than we thought he did..
I feel really bad about this especially since it is his birthday and I want to do special things for him on his day but I also feel if we dont start taking privledges away and getting our kids more under control we are going to have a real problem on our hands as they get older.
This all stems from a down stairs toy room, that for the last 2 days has not been able to be walked through and us asking them for 2 days to clean it up. and when I say you cant walk through it , I mean it... They dumped all 4 toy boxes and the chest with the blocks, lincoln logs, puzzles etc....... EVERYTHING was dumped, and all over the floor.
I dont think it was alot to ask for them to clean it up, they are 8, 6, 3 1/2. and after 2 days of asking and yelling we have had enough... they have not had T.V. in 2 days and now Jacob lost his outing with his friends. dont get me wrong it wasnt just the toys with Jacob, it was tantrums and talking back to us that got him where he is at. I just dont know what to do anymore. The medicine has helped him some especially at school but he is still really bad at home sometimes. I guess I will have to discuss it with the doctor on the 15th. I just dont know what to do anymore except take things away and maybe they will start to get it.
Spanking doesnt work, time out is somewhat effective but not the greatest for Jacob , he just pounds on my chairs or walls with his hands or his head yelling at us, so I hope maybe this is the trick.
I tried to talk to them last night about their behavior but it is almost like, "yeah, moms talking again, so what." "Do you hear something?"..
My husband and I are so frustrated, what do we do??
I always thought we were pretty good parents, am I wrong??
I just dont know anymore..... I love them to death, What do I do...........
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first of all you are a great parent and you are upset because you care so much.
my stratigy (sorry spelling) for getting my children to do there chores, especially cleaning up toys. i tell them if there toy aren't cleaned up in x amount of time, i will clean them up with a trash bag. then actually follow through. the first time you do this, put them in your garage or somewhere out of reach and let them earn them back. next time no more mister nice guy. if they arn't afraid of losing there toys, maybe its time to eliminate the ones they don't charish.
ps. i've been missing you lately. i hope it hasn't all been bad lately. hope you have a wonderfull happy, less chaotic holiday.
sammysmom
You are a great mom!!
I know exactly how you feel and I'm guilty of it too. I think children now have TOO many toys, nothing is special. I feel that way about my kids' stuff. I agree with sammysmom that you should tell them that tehy have a day to clean it and anything left out goes away. You can either give it back the following weekend or, you could give it back one by one, so that each kid gets one toy evry few days and must put it away. Anything not put away goes back in the bin, bag or whatever.
It sucks to be a parent of such difficult children, but in the end, it makes us better human beings. When you see a child act out in the store, your first thought is not to accuse the mother of bad parenting, but to say a silent prayer for her and wish her well.
You said time out works okay. Keep it up, keep it consistant and it will get even better. And he won't be perfect, no one is. But if you keep him there until the pounding stops and then tell him that you've started the time out now, he'll eventually figure out that the time out part isn't so bad, its the waiting for time out to begin that is hard. And hopefully tone down the raging there.
You can do it!! I know you can. I send you lots of supportive thoughts!! Breathe, know that you can, and make sure to take time out for yourself, it does loads of good.... Even if it doesn't seem like useful time management.
Hang in there!
triciah
Ah, I have used the trash bag as well, and it does work. I did not actually throw things away, just put them up and in a month or so put them back, he never knew. But he was horrified that I placed them in the bad and believe me, when his fav toys were placed in there he started picking up!
You are fantastic parents. I can not imagine having 4 and doing all you both do. Be patient with yourself, besides behavior issues, your schedules and money, hell it is just plain hard....
Lilliebird