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Lynne72 
A terrible end to a horrible few weeks. I have to go by flowers today. My friend had an ultrasound earlier this morning confirming the worst. Her baby is gone.
I don't even know what to write, it's all a mixed up mess of sadness, anger, and horrible memories. I want to write, but there are just no words.
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I made such a fool of myself yesterday. There I was holding my son, with my daughter and husband beside me ordering lunch, when an "innocent" comment had me on the brink of tears at a fast food restaurant. (Granted I have been very emotional lately, which probably explains a lot.) The person at the counter made the observation that "Wow, that's a pretty big age difference between the two of them", refering to my children. I felt like I had been punched in the face, and stood stunned. Everything came rushing back to me. I managed to mumble something about my son being long awaited, and walked very quickly to the rest room. Where I cried over the sink for 5 minutes.
I wanted to be mad, to think of him (the waiter) as an idiot, it would have been easier, but I couldn't. He had know idea, he was just making conversation. Even my husband had a little bit of a reaction, flinched a bit when we talked about it afterward. Just when you start to feel a bit better ...
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What can ya do? Things are going to happen like that. Happens to me all the time. The good thing is that you were able to remove yourself and break down elsewhere rather than right then and there and making a scene. I sometimes forget the removing part and make a scene. lol But really, what can you do? You're not a fool for feeling that way, it's just how it goes. If you're a fool then so are all of us!
xoxox
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I'm sorry... people don't think before they speak.. that was a very odd comment, anyway... you did great in the way you handled yourself... some people are just buffoons.... it's not your fault! You're not the fool!
I got snapped back to "reality": I recieved a frantic phone call this morning from my pregnant friend. She was completely freaking out, she had started spotting. (She's okay, ultrasound on Thursday to check everything.) It put everything into perspective though. It zapped the anger and resentment right out of me. For the first time in a few days, I wasn't thinking about myself.
I don't feel guilty for being jealous, I think it's pretty "normal". But I'm not especially proud either. I guess it's easier to feel angry then to feel sad, and lonely or even face that I won't get what I want. I'm not going to get to hold them no matter how loud I yell, how much I cry, or how hard I pray. In spite of how it sounds, I'm actually doing a bit better today.
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how scary ,and what an awakoning ,Like you said its natural to feel as you did but now you can just be happy for her and disconct your greif from her pregnacy.....
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Everything u are feeling is completely normal..U are so strong!! hang in there..I'm glad your friend and her baby is ok..
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I am so sorry for you and your friend! I understand the desire to express but not knowing what to write. I will keep you in my prayers.
*Hugs*
Webstergirl
I am so sorry. I am praying for you and your friend.
nicunurse
I am sorry for you both...she is lucky to have your suport ,we all need some one who has been though it to help at such a horrable time .
stephanieN
I am so sorry For the loss, I'm glad u are there for her and can understand what she is going through. I wish I had a close friend that understood at the time of my losses. ((hugs))
ShellyBelly79
I'm sorry to hear of your friends loss. I hope she and you are doing ok!
kapple