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ColorGuard1992 
Once again my life isnt going th way i want it to.
My family isnt getting alone with eachother and my grandmother is mad at me more than ever i dont know what i did to her that was so bad but its more of whats she doing to me once again like every holiday or party im up in my room not being by anyone because of what she has said to me or said about me when she thought i wasnt listening my life is one big dissapointment i dont even see the point in living anymore noone wants me here anyway.
I think the only reason i get uip in the morning is to go and prove everyone who has doubted me wrong i want to prove to them that i can be better than them no matter what the circumstances no matter what they throw at me but it is becoming harder and harder to do that because im not wanted in my house i constantly hear my mom say how much she want to die and i dont think that she knows how much that bothers me well everything she says now bothers me she asks me if i really care if my sister is dead because i dont show emotion i hear it all the time and all i want to do is cry my eyes out she dosent know that feeling it gives me knowint that i was in that car and i didnt die it kills me not knowing that it kills me that im not the one that died because i know im not the better child and im not the helper ashley was and i dont know what to do noone wants me and i cant help but think that.
I even wish that i was the one who died somthimes because thats how bad our arguments get.
I somtimes dont kow what to do i come so close somtimes to wanting to run away but id only be giving in to the pain and i dont want to do that i want to be able to show everyone that im strong and that i dont care what they say but its so hard and all i can do right now is run away from them and go to my room but i cant for to long because i dont have a lock on my door and i cant even drive because one im to young and two im not allowed to get my permit untill im 18 but i guess i understand why because of my sister dieing but i wish they would relize IM NOT ASHLEY IM KAITLYN im a complete different person i have different hobbies different feelings different everything and sometimes they just dont get that im me not ashley and i hear it all the time that no body is compareing me to her but they do it all the time Ashley didnt go to her first comcert untill she was this age and ashley didnt go on her first plane ride till this age and most of it is my grandmother but some of it is from alot of other people too.
I just want to be recognized as Kaitlyn Not anyone else just Kaitlyn!
My family isnt getting alone with eachother and my grandmother is mad at me more than ever i dont know what i did to her that was so bad but its more of whats she doing to me once again like every holiday or party im up in my room not being by anyone because of what she has said to me or said about me when she thought i wasnt listening my life is one big dissapointment i dont even see the point in living anymore noone wants me here anyway.
I think the only reason i get uip in the morning is to go and prove everyone who has doubted me wrong i want to prove to them that i can be better than them no matter what the circumstances no matter what they throw at me but it is becoming harder and harder to do that because im not wanted in my house i constantly hear my mom say how much she want to die and i dont think that she knows how much that bothers me well everything she says now bothers me she asks me if i really care if my sister is dead because i dont show emotion i hear it all the time and all i want to do is cry my eyes out she dosent know that feeling it gives me knowint that i was in that car and i didnt die it kills me not knowing that it kills me that im not the one that died because i know im not the better child and im not the helper ashley was and i dont know what to do noone wants me and i cant help but think that.
I even wish that i was the one who died somthimes because thats how bad our arguments get.
I somtimes dont kow what to do i come so close somtimes to wanting to run away but id only be giving in to the pain and i dont want to do that i want to be able to show everyone that im strong and that i dont care what they say but its so hard and all i can do right now is run away from them and go to my room but i cant for to long because i dont have a lock on my door and i cant even drive because one im to young and two im not allowed to get my permit untill im 18 but i guess i understand why because of my sister dieing but i wish they would relize IM NOT ASHLEY IM KAITLYN im a complete different person i have different hobbies different feelings different everything and sometimes they just dont get that im me not ashley and i hear it all the time that no body is compareing me to her but they do it all the time Ashley didnt go to her first comcert untill she was this age and ashley didnt go on her first plane ride till this age and most of it is my grandmother but some of it is from alot of other people too.
I just want to be recognized as Kaitlyn Not anyone else just Kaitlyn!
