blondie073's Journal

You. Tai. I love you. I miss you. I hate you. I need you. I fucking need you in my life but I'm so glad you're gone. I'm so glad you moved and left me. But how can we not have spoken since May 13th? We had so much. I know you loved me. You told me when you weren't angry. I hate your anger. It twisted you into a scary monster. You turned into that demon from my nightmares only I couldn't wake up. You held me down and hurt me so bad. Nothing belonged to me anymore. You owned all of me and let me know. You played with me whenever you wanted and I let you because I wanted you in my life. Because I thought that if I gave you sex... then maybe you'd love me back. Maybe you'd stop hurting me. Maybe you'd care about me like those few moments when you showed so much passion and love.  Those moments where you'd kiss my wrist and tell me you wanted to take my pain away. You caused my pain. You ruined my life. I'd give anything to have you back.

***You can see I still love him. Even though he hurt me. Even though he deserted me and never manned up to what he did. I will always love him because my dreams tell me he's my lobster.***