blondie073's Journal

I'm so sorry I haven't written in forever. My new computer wouldn't allow me to log on to this site and as a result I forgot about it. But I finally found a way to log on and I'm super happy. There's been a lot of changes since I was last on. It's insane.

In my life, this is what's happened since I last updated:

I told Emma I'd fallen for her, and that's why I was mean, to unfall for her. She ditched me, stopped talking to me. I explained, she said we'd be friends next year, but she needed some space.  I gave her space, she got mad at me for ignoring her. I sent her a letter at camp saying how I had made some life realizations and I probably would've done the same in her position about the Tai thing, and she got mad at me for criticizing her. Her camp friends all read the letter, said I was a creeper, then made fun of me the whole camp. Apparently, whenever a girl would touch another girl, it was called pulling a Tiana. Emma told me she thought it was best that we weren't friends in grade 10. She made me come down to the library today to see something someone had sent her about me that I didn't believe, and she said she liked my hoodie. I said I'd see her at school. I left, she came running after me, asking where a mailbox was, and I told her in front of the post office. We're still not friends.

Tai moved away to England, and I will never see him again. He blocked me on Facebook.

I reached day 200 and I don't think I'll cut again. I'm done and I've reached my goal. I stopped counting over the summer, and when I fould my calander, I was surprised to see I'd made my goal already.

I stopped wearing makeup, and people are constantly telling me I'm beautiful. I realized that makeup gave me confidence, but now that I'm happy with myself I can be beautiful without my warpaint. I like it this way.

I got a boyfriend who said he loved me, then flirted with Emma. Then he explained to me that he wanted to find out more about her and find out why she dumped me. My boyfriend, Aaron, and me, are working through this problem. I still love him and he still loves me.

I started getting depressed again, but I looked outside at the sun and grinned instead. I am happy all the time now.

My mom and I are best friends and I've told her everything. We are on good terms and I like hanging out with her.

My sister and I got caught shoplifting at the mall and are now banned for one year. The good news, the mall is where I'd go when I ditched school. I'd sleep on a bench there for hours. Now, I'll be in school more often and I won't blow my money on overpriced shit.

I've found peace within myself and I am now where I need to be. Getting caught made me open my eyes and stop all those crappy habits. When the cops told me that everyone makes mistakes but we all take away a lesson, I saw that I could take good away from the experience, and now I am optimistic.

Life is good. Life makes me smile now. I know where I am, who I am, and where I'm going. This is all good. This is amazing, like I always dreamt.