blondie073's Journal

115. I'm close!

I start drama. Not good.

I told Emma I had thoughts of suicide again, because she kept asking what was wrong and I told her not to be mad at me, and then she left and I saw her crying in the halls to Meera. Emma talked to me and said she had to tell someone because she couldn't help me. I begged her not to then got angry because she wouldn't listen to me and then she got angry at me for not accepting her help. So I ran off crying to outside and Meera asked me what was wrong and I started to tell her that Tai was abusive but I still loved him. Then she said I had to get rid of him because he was hurting me in so many ways. I apologized to Emma, she cried, I cried, we fought, I ran off. Marlena came up to me and told me she'd dealt with abusive relationships before and didn't want me to go through the same thing so she would help me tell Tai it needed to stop. Meera and Marlena got Tai and Emma in the hall and I was supposed to tell Tai what he'd done to me but he gave me the meanest stare and I was so fucking scared. I ran off, they left, then I came back 10 minutes later because Emma was giving me a ride home. She got mad at me for not telling Tai and she didn't want to be in the middle. She told me to tell him and Meera said I could tell him on Monday b/c tomorrow's his sister's party and I didn't want to cause more drama.
Now I lost Tai, he confessed he doesn't like Emma, and Emma's upset that I've thought of suicide again and wants to tell her teacher. I don't want to end up in the hospital again.
So I am at a loss of what to do, especially since Tai keeps saying he's done nothing to me.