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alyssum 
10:07am, October 27, 2009
I can no longer afford my copays and have to end physical therapy. My doctor wants me to do pt rather than continue painkillers. I can not afford treatment. My car payment and mortgage have been late for two months. I have medical bills in collections. I do not know what to do. If I do not get treatment I rapidly lose functioning. Tolerating pain is so fatigueing that I cannot take care of myself. I work, but cannot keep my house in order. Eventually the quality of my work starts to slip, the paperwork I am expected to do in my off hours does not get done. When I get home I use the remaining time in my day to try to decrease inflamation through icing and try to prevent a flare up of the Raynauds by putting heated packs on my legs. The pain in my hips and back are cripplingly severe and the burning mere pain in my legs, feet and hands cause difficulty walking and graspinig.
When I wake up, the pain throughout my body is so severe that I cannot get up. I have to start my day with painkillers in order to lift my leg over the side of the tub to get in the shower. Sometimes I vomit from the severity of the pain and the stress of dealing with it all.
Despite all this I am high functioning, management, homeowner, artist.....I am losing it all.
